letting go

I’d always remember him like a fleeting dream. That night we first met, etched so deep in my head, it’s almost as though that fragment of memory is bent on nestling there, within the depths, to be ever so painfully reminisced, over and over again.

I listened to blue jeans on replay, as the adrenaline from our first ever texts prevented me from catching up on sleep. He was too beautiful, too much of everything that I wanted. Sounds like exaggerated perfection, but no. he stood out; among the chaotic crowd in the way I visioned “him” to be, like the missing jigsaw to my almost complete life.

It was the best time to be in love. It was the best time for US to be in love, with each other. He wanted to be loved, and I wanted to love someone, who actually wants all of my love. All that was overflowing at the brim.

We were like magic together. Like the over-rated romance you see on screen, where the man pins her against the wall and lock lips, tells her that she’s beautiful, watches her do her make up, have crazy, awesome sex and does every single thing every day with no relent.

I miss our relationship, very much. The conversations laced with puns, with synergy and with so much love. I miss so many things that its impossible to go through every day, doing anything without that sardonic jolt as my brain takes me on a trip.

We parted, as like all the ephemeral things, like a snowflake dancing and falling into your open palm. He moved on with life, and so did I. Yet I realized that in my heart, I never truly left our relationship. How do you simply move on from something so perfect? Do you take a winning lottery ticket, toss it into the sea and say “BYE, 1MILLION DOLLARS, BYE~~” Do you give up the job that you love, that loves you back and say “Fuck, I am just going to settle for a <insert irrelevant shitty jobs here>”

Are you wondering why I didn’t say “I miss him” instead, its “I miss our relationship”? Because when you fall in love with someone, it can end up in alot of shitty ass ways. But being in a relationship is different from simply loving someone. Being in love with the relationship is loving how the two of you are together. And I loved that. I loved that so much that it clouded my vision.

You know how people always pat you on the back and say “Cheer up, you will find someone better.” The truth is that everyone is someone better. Everyone is someone worse. All that really matters is whether or not the “better” parts of the someone fits what tickles your fancy.

When I was with that boy, I looked at all his better parts. And I loved them to bits. But I also looked at his worse parts and decided that hey, I can live with that. I embrace that and most importantly, I can fix them.

But now as the words that left his lips perpetually resonates in my head: Move on, don’t cling on ;

I asked myself, why did we had to part? What happened to us? And I realized the answer is that I have been focusing too much on the beauty of our relationship that I have forgotten to remember that beauty is only superficial.


move on, don’t cling on.

Goddess of paint two

I’m sorry for this sudden post. I just need to remind you guys that your goddess has unlocked the next level of her paint skills. JUST LOOK AT THE FUCKING GEM IT LOOKS SO FUCKING REAL.


crystal maiden xmas worded





this is the original in dota 2:

true gem dota 2



I am so pleased with myself right now, i think i am kanye west. HAHAHAHA


Plz no carry


Hello everyone. Your goddess has been missing for so damn long. I BET YOU MISSED HER LIKE CRAZY.
Don’t worry, shes safe and sound and in 1 piece. 😀 or you want her in 2 piece?


Yes, I am in a better mood now. 🙂

I guess all I really want to do right now is to look forward to the legacy airlines interviews, and then do the part-time job that I love whilst still keeping up with my freelancing. And yes, people have been asking me to stream. I am still hesitating as its alot of work for a computer idiot like me. I only know how to PRESS THE ON BUTTON. and then suffocate the computer by holding the on button when the com hangs. That’s about it.

And what if I stream and no one watches it 😥 Afterall, I am no dendi. Will you support my stream? 😀




Anyway something bad happened to my dear slut. He’s bald now 😥

So the story goes one fine day I was cuddling him to zzz, took some photos of him as usual and then gave him a good rub WHEN I FOUND A FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING LARGE TICK. It was burrowed into his neck and lycan was oblivious. OH MY HIGH HEAVENS AND GREATEST ULTRA UNIVERSE.

Can you believe it. I slept with a tick. I SLEPT WITH A TICK AND I CARESSED IT THINKING IT WAS FUR OH MY


wadat1 wadat2



LOOK AT THE MONSTROSITY. So anyway yeah I panicked like a loving mum and sent him to the groomer’s which also happens to be the world’s most unscrupulous shop ever. Spent a bomb. The groomer made me buy two tick-and-flea sprays. One is 39.90. One is 47.90. She told me, the 39.90 is to spray the floor. 47.90 is to spray Lycan. I went home and checked the labels. FUCK. THEY ARE BOTH MEANT TO SPRAY DOGS.

So that’s the story of how I bought two sprays that carries the same application purpose. Here are his bald photos.

wadat4 wadat5 wadat6

I know, dat cone looks retarded. LOL. poor lycan.


Did the SMRT imob event recently. Hell yeah it was quite fun! Too bad people who work for the event can’t participate in the contest. Else i’d definitely want to win that amazing huawei phone and use it just to take photos. LOL



My favorite lychee martini! Was working for cable car (the pub behind centerpoint) and after my work ended, the nice bartender made me a special lychee martini with 4 LYCHEES! Yay 😀


What’d you say about red lipstick? I used to love wearing it alot. Suddenly found the urge to wear it again. Despite dat stick of awessomeness reminding me of my former shitty cabin crew life. HAHA.

First shot taken at mambo jumbo! Went with yama and his friends. IT WAS SOOOOOOOO FUN. Altho there were disgusting guys trying to stick their tongues down some drunk girls’ throats but hell, who cares.

wadat9 wadat10


Red lips always look good on a girl!

Its sad to think that music from the 80s and 90s are fading out and that now everyone’s into EDM. I love the feeling of the mob dancing in sync to the music together. No sleazy grinding, no whorish moves. Just plain, fun and clean dance. I love britney spears and modern talking to bits. 🙂

I remember in secondary school, my friends used to laugh at me when I told them my favorite band is modern talking. They asked me what era am I from. I used to wonder is that the reason why I was never part of the cool kids. Now, I think I am ashamed  to be embarrassed of what I love. Let the 80s live on!


Anyway, I just really have to emphasize on my blessed life with my nonsensical family members.


My sister believes my dog vomited from whining too hard.




Don’t, I repeat, don’t ever take the double bicycle with my mother because it will be you doing 2 persons’ work. HAHAHA

I was damn sad the other day because I cooked carbonara pasta for dinner, and kept some cooked pasta and mushrooms in the fridge with plans of making a tomato based pasta the next day for lunch. TO MY DISAPPOINTMENT, my mum threw the pasta away having mistaken it for some mouldy noodles that has been kept for ages in the fridge.

But YES. OUR FRIDGE ALWAYS HAS A MIRACULOUSLY BOUNTIFUL SUPPLY OF EXPIRED FOODS. so the next time you come, and want to grab something from the racks, check the date. smell it. look closely. Because my sister and I have had waaaaay too much of the spoilt milk, cheese, meats, soured leftovers and MOULDY GRAPES,ORANGES, CHILLI SAUCE THAT CHANGED COLOR


wadat13 wadat14


Cooked instant noodles in the end 😥

Welcome to my home. HAHAHA


But okay la, enough of gross (but true) stuff. Here are some yummy food I ate the past week.


Smoked salmon salad in balsamic vinegar


Savory omelette rice with smoked salmon and half tamago

Had them at the Japanese cafe in 313, lvl 3/4 can’t remember.Quite expensive, and only average in tastiness.






Seafood paella


Garlic pork with mash.

Had my usuals at marche and now that I think about it, although the paella is really tasty, its super bo hua since its 19 bucks for a serving. Siao.

Eh, someone piqued your goddess a few days back. He said “models nowadays are so superficial and only know how to cover in thick make up and stand around like a vase, take selfies and act pretty.” I beg to differ, you obnoxious, shitty man.


wadat19 wadat20


fav expression