Tag Archives: poetry

Faeries, stardust, eternities.

by

Welcome to 2019 everyone 😀

Made fresh new resolutions, it’s 3 weeks in, I am doing good (With the working out part) except that I loop holed myself – I didn’t state workout for how long so I am kinda doing 10mins each time and not feeling the slightest of guilt that I just upped myself in my own game.

Sharing some snaps of my Xmas gifts.

All of my gifts below. Would say most of the list was fulfilled and im soooo happy 😀 😀 😀 I am a lucky girl.

img_4411

 

img_3870

Finally managed to get my long emptied sk II…. -_-

–

 

img_4406

The most beautiful packaging HAHAHA Yes I couldn’t stand not snapping an individual pic of this. I always loved their packaging. Every girl’s dream 🙂 Thanks to R

 

img_4534

The logo is silver-toned, else would have matched my Jet-setter set to the T. Love it anyways. XD

_________________________________________________

It’s raining here. I have the urge to write my thoughts out.

I could feel some major shifts happening in my life.  Not a moment passes where I do not think and fear the unknown, but I know that time is like an immortal heart that beats – I have to prepare and brace for whatever that comes.

Here’s a poem that pretty much divulges one of the biggest hurdles in my life right now; I wish the melancholic souls out there who chance upon this, can feel some familiarity and hopefully find momentary solace in a common angst. 

–

 

Image result for melancholy

Credits

–

 

An owl dips, into the blackest skies,
soft in flight, quiet he flies
alone was I, cold hands shaking
loud crisp tones, of my heart be breaking.

My scraped knees are weak, soon I’d falter,
her out-worldly heart, soon shall wander.
Hands bleeding, flailing, I tried to grasp,
her shadow, like a dying ember, turned to dust.

Of grim, of gloom, a hell bent desire,
Woven with deceit, so pleased Belial.
Had it been so, satire of lust,
Of grief, of doom, a martyr of trust.

I watch her leave. 

Laced with sweet magnolias, and deadly nightshade,
pertinent to love, an asphyxiated heartbreak.
My worship to her, in all false opulence,
was masking damp cheeks, and where she sought forgiveness.

She turns to leave.

The wind sang her goodbyes, saying :

Time, to which we’re enslaved, in its cruel movements,
grants no concession but a binding warrant;
Oh love, my heart it yearns, for an eternity with you,
yet our destiny, are two hearts that will never heal.

 

_________________________________________________

Yes I know, I am turning 28 soon. And CNY is coming. I am not ready and not going to be pleased to answer all the “When are you getting married” questions by my relatives. Birthday’s coming…. I haven’t thought of a wishlist but to prevent *cue laughter* color pencils from happening again, I guess I have to come up with the list soon.

 

–

 

 

Subjugated.

by

I think everyone has contemplated the intricate allure of death, if not many, at least once in their lives. We first enter this world, like a silken cloth, free from marring, from pollutants, from desecration. As we age, we start to grow. The growth of our physique may give our age away, but this aesthetic form; is just a mere facade, is it not?

At different phases of life, we birth many desires; some strange, some childish, some ridiculous. But in most phases of our life, we crave love.

That is one thing humans will never stop wanting. 

I reminisce sometimes, with a tinge of abhorrence, and pangs of disgust the one boy in my life that I spent 2 years of my life thinking he was what love really was about.

How wrong was I?

I am sure you have felt this before, your palms sweating, heart racing when the phone rings with a text from him. You schedule your every day around his ups and abouts, keeping time free and skipping your meals just to wait for his casual “Wanna meet for dinner?” You talk relentlessly to your friends about him, how cute he’d look in this 500$ shirt you just bought for him, and spend your days thinking of how to doll up better so he can finally say “you look nice.” (But obviously i never had the luxury to hear that from him.)

I have chased that guy, not only in a bid to get together with him, but also literally. Chased him down the streets publicly calling his name, tears strewn amok my cheeks, begging him to stop, but hell I wasn’t much of a runner but I sure was determined as fuck. What was I even chasing him for? What was I sorry about? Nothing. Evidently, I was sorry because that’s what he wanted to hear. I was chasing him because that was what he wanted to see.

My sister brought his name up again once during dinner days ago. She was laughing and joking about how amusing it is when I, the pathetic girl so madly in “love” with him, was mopping the floor with tears wetting the ground faster than the mop could do its work. I can, at that point, understood from her point of view, how comical it was. But the girl I once was, was so remotely shattered it felt like I died so many times over.

I remember that day, he had blocked me on all media. And back in those days there WEREN’T many platforms you could talk to someone on. He wanted a break up, for the millionth time, because he was in army and he has gotten bored of this plain jane with a flat chest who loved him so much, she gave him everything. With nothing left to offer.

The bed… felt like a coffin, with the ceiling closing in onto me. The computer was the devil’s advocate, whispering for me to do something crazy. And the window….. let’s not even go there.

So I tried to busy myself. I grabbed the mop and started cleaning like crazy. But this sadness it just wouldn’t leave me. And it felt like all purpose of living, all purpose of ME, myself, has forsaken me. If I could cry my heart out, that must have been that day I finally see how mine looks like.

But fast forward to 7 years till today, I finally realized that wasn’t love. I let him hang around even though he has “broken up” with me just because he wanted a quick outlet for sexual pleasures while I stupidly thought the physical contact could bring us closer on the emotional plane where he clearly didn’t want to co exist with me in.

If you are reading this and you find yourself in a similar situation, know your worth. It may be hard for you to leave, I tried a thousand times. But when he leaves, death is never the option.

Let me tell you what love is. Love is when you hold him close, for the 10000th time, but your heart doesn’t flutter. It calms. 

 

 

Keep fighting.