iced hearts, forgotten kisses

In commemoration it has been one month since he left, and for my dear friend ZA who recently lost the love of his life, I hereby dedicate this little post to him and all of the broken hearted ones out there; you are not alone.

I know it’s going to be the same every night before you head to bed, loneliness envelopes you and the devil’s advocate fills your mind with dire thoughts. I know the pillow just seem larger than before without her head resting on it, and your arms feel empty without the familiar embrace.

And throughout the night, your subconscious pass the hours with vivid dreams of desire, of longing, of how things used to be.

Waking up, I daresay to me, it’s the worst. You shoot out of bed with your heart pumping into overdrive. You feel as if you have fallen into an abyss. Of emptiness. Because when the sun rays hit your eyelids, you wake up to know every thing you have dreamt, is everything you want to dream.

That it’s not real. And she isn’t coming back. Your phone is silent. Yes you dreamt of her texting you. You dreamt of her saying she’ll agree to come back into your arms.

I know its going to be hard. We have all cried and lunged wildly at the cruel emptiness, head banging against the wall and screaming gibberish to the air. Until tears choked up your throat and your voice abandons you.

But things that don’t come easy will teach the best lessons. Do something different today. You can do it crying, like I did, but do it with pride. Clean your room. Learn how to bake macarons. Enrol in yoga. I chose the first. HAHA. Albeit my tears sloshing down whilst I dusted my wardrobe, I flopped onto bed, looked around my tidy and beautiful room and feel a sense of achievement.

And I learnt many things from this pain of a heartache. So will you. One of the things you’d learn is acceptance. Accepting that you are good in your own ways and that you should never beat yourself up for it. Unless of course you killed her whole family and cheated with her best friend then I think you ought to die. HAHAHA kidding.

Learn something from this pain. And don’t you ever ever dare to hate her. Alot of people (as like my ex) chose to hate me, to concentrate on the things I did to him (or things he assumed I did to him) and goes around spreading how much he hates me to people around because let’s face it, it’s easier to hate someone you used to love because it hurts lesser, and you move on faster. But it makes you vengeful and self entitled.

Don’t stoop to that level. Hold your head high and say it out loud. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit I still love you. I loved you, and I still do. Yes I am hurt that you left but I don’t ever, for a second, hate you. This will make you grow. It will open your eyes to see what are the things you have done wrong and you learn from it. Banking on other people’s mistakes will only make you deluded from your own.

Then who will it benefit?

Learn from your failed relationship and think about how you can do better next time. But don’t get it mixed up with self blame. I flooded my mind with all the things I could have done for him without realising that I was rationale at that point when I was IN the relationship, that the fact is I HAD done enough for him. There’s a difference between things you could have done but didn’t, and things you do not have to do, but you think it could have made things better. It wouldn’t.

If you gave your heart and loved wholeheartedly, don’t ever blame yourself for things not done and say it was your fault she left. It was nobody’s fault. It’s just so that we grow wiser by the day and we learn more. Our library of “Things that can be done” expands.

I know this sinking feeling in your heart is here to stay for quite a fair bit. But you need to be happy because your parents love you. And your siblings love you too. Even if you are bloody hell homeless and friendless you have me. You will have that someone that cares about you. Or it could be your dog or even the cockroaches that you breed in your room cuz you didn’t clean up. HAHAHA

Smile, and laugh. Okay? Be strong. Because someone out there loves you. And most importantly, you have you.

You are the power you need to be happy. To crack a few jokes. You are the energy that can drive you to do great things. Live better than the you yesterday.

Dont ever underestimate what pain can do to a person. If you channel it correctly, you will be invincible. Life is short, eat that steak and eat two butters to one bread. because you fucking can.

 

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接受治疗

To my dearest readers, I know I promised an exciting post and trust me I took so many hilarious photos that I wanted to share with you. However it’s painful for me to browse through my photo gallery at the moment.

But I did get down to work to draw something… hahaha.

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Maomaocong says Happy Chinese New Year! 😀

HAHAHA. He looks retarded. I don’t know why I even like him so much. Darn cute. For those of you who watched my stream yesterday, I was going on about this really cute little lightbulb-ish humidifier. Remember Moscow? The air was so dry. So I figured its time to buy one of these portable magical objects. I got it on qoo10. I think it was only like… 15dollars?

Plug it into the usb port on ur laptop and this little thing whizzes to life. I think you can do a steam facial using it if you want to. Hehe. I MEAN HOWWWW THEY EVEN INCLUDED STONES AND LITTLE PALM TREE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ISLAND.

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SORRY GUYS I HAD THIS POST HIDDEN IN MY “DRAFTS” SINCE CNY SO I M JUST GOING TO CONTINUE WHERE I LEFT OFF HAHAHAHA.

SO BASICALLY,

I just celebrated lycan’s 5th birthday and my own LETS NOT GO INTO THE AGE.

Just in case you are wondering, his cake is a gigantic meat ball. LOL.

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I bought him 85$ worth of snacks from bow wow… this guy has better know how fucking luxurious and pampered he is.

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I can’t wait for February to be over actually. Because the page of my March calendar is a fresh one. With only plans for myself. I will face the only last day I have to meet him in March with my head high. As like I have been advised so many times. If my conscience is clear, heaven knows. He doesn’t have to know. Because it doesn’t matter anymore. And it doesn’t matter because there is no point in hanging around someone who doesn’t love you enough.

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Anyway just to make you guys jealous I WENT TO MALDIVES. One of my dream destinations holy shit. And one night stay is obviously not enough for me.

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DO U KNOW HOW MUCH I STRUGGLED TO BALANCE ON THIS IMPRACTICAL HAMMOCK.

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Posing in front of a jetski that I can’t afford to ride on. damn.

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Well….. at least kayaking is free.

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I want to be inside forever. Probably drown there but well. Water too shallow to die in. But certainly breathtaking enough to die in peace.

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IF YOU ARE NOT SAVING UP TO GO TO MALDIVES I DON’T KNOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR MONEY. YOU MAY DONATE IT TO ME. HAHAHA.

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SAW THE SPA BY THE VILLA AND ITS FUCKING 410 USD ++ FOR TWO PEOPLE.

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VELI LOVE ALWAYS OFFER.

I LOVE YOU VELI MUCH.

The resort is beautiful, albeit like a maze and the food is costly af but trust me it’s so worth it if you enjoy being in water just like me. Is it a coincidence since I am an Aquarian?

#deepthoughtsoftheuniverseandwhyheissuchajerk

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SO ITS COOKING TIME WITH VALEISKY!!!

EZPZ Prawn arrabiata for nerds like me who like to stay at home or cooking idiots trying to impress their girlfriends:

ALL you need:

*For 2*

1/3 pack of Penne pasta
Bacon (Optional)
Minced garlic
Fresh Basil leaves
A  medium can of quality “Diced tomatoes” (I used Hunt’s from NTUC)
Large peeled prawns, devined. (Mine costed about 7.80 SGD for two portions)
Olive oil, salt and pepper.

Cook the pasta:

– Add in salt and some olive oil into pot for good luck into a pot of water, bring to boil.
– Add in pasta when water is bubbling. Stir and check periodically.

!DO NOT PLAY DOTA AND FORGET THAT YOUR GAS IS ON!

Cook the sauce:

– In a heated saucepan, warm up olive oil. Throw in bacon (If you halal, skip this step)
– Throw in garlic and chilli. Ensure that fire IS NOT HUGE LIKE THE RAGING PITS OF        SATAN’S HOME so that the garlic won’t burn.
– Toss in prawns and ensure they are cooked thoroughly.
– Empty can of diced tomatoes with all the tomato sauce into pan.
– Keep tossing and mixing everything together.
– Simmer on low heat.

!DID YOU KNOW? PRAWNS CHANGE FROM GREY TO ORANGE = COOKED!

Finishing up:

– Drain penne pasta (Make sure pasta is al dente, I personally like it abit softer than that.)
– Throw pasta into the saucepan.
– Mix well.
– Serve up on your dinner plates, garnish with one fresh basil leaf FOR THAT INSTAGRAMMABLE TOUCH.

Your pasta is ready and your girlfriend will immediately believe you are marriage material once the lovely arrabiata pasta touches her lips.

And then it wouldn’t only be pasta that her lips touches later on 😉

LOL.

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And before we end obviously I JUST HAD TO let you guys know that my extremely hilarious sister burst into tears when we were having steamboat the other day. She went to get more food and then started crying when she realised we were only left with 15mins before the waiter chases us out because LUNCH was only 70 mins restriction.

And as her very supportive sister I just had to take photos of it and post it online. HAHAHA.

Love y’all. See you soon. Will be posting my KL SUNWAY LAGOON escapade soon. STAY TUNED OK.

 

 

 

 

 

Sun and Moon

You were the sun and moon to me. 

Hello darlings. For those of you who followed me closely (Great thanks and appreciation to you out there, wherever you are.) I am sure you are aware that I just ended a devastating break-up. I guess when you get older, its not just the physical wounds that take longer to mend. And in order for me to keep myself in fit condition for work because hell, I can’t lose my job over emotions that I can’t control; I will be visiting my doctor regularly and hopefully some therapy can help me. I don’t care, he can try hypnotizing me like before and make me forget this like those large pieces of my childhood that went missing for the greater good.

Till then, I can only look forward to the little things in life. AND ONE OF WHICH,

I’M OLD ENOUGH TO BE A MOTHER TO MANY OF YOU OUT THERE!

Birthday is coming just round the corner!!!

As per usual drill, my friends have requested for my wishlist to be posted up. Because well, I guess they find me extremely picky when it comes to presents.

If you are getting me something off this list, please do let me know so I will cross it out. Thanks y’all I love you. HAHAHA. Some are impossible to get. It’s ok. We all have big dreams that never come true and unrequited love.

 

Birthday Wishlist:

ASUS ROG STRIX GL502 VS.

Potent gaming laptop ON the GO. Weighing only 2.3KGS, uses GTX 1070. Fucking dreams come true bruh.
(Has to be preordered. RTP: S$2698 or MYR $6500)

 

 

SAMSUNG SSD (Solid State Drive) EVO 4TB.

Piecing my dream Desktop together, slowly but surely. Hahaha.

 

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NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1080 Graphic card.
(RTP: S$580)

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Razer Hammerhead Pro
Only the PRO edition has microphone what the fuckery is that.
(RTP: $106)

 

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Razer Blackwidow X Chroma
What’s a desktop without some flashy ahbeng-ish chroma lights man.
(RTP: S$ 289)

 

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Sumikko Gurashi Maomaocong (Green Penguin) Pouch and Keychain.
And the plushie in the middle to replace the one that I left at B’s house. He probably threw it away 😥

 

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Prada Saffiano letter wallet

I am gonna get it from an outlet store so it’s cheaper. Hahaha.  If you want to get this for me, just let me know and I will buy it on my own and send you the receipt with a kiss. ❤

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Tumi Durban Expandable duffel.

Its no longer sold in retail stores. Hoping to find it via a reseller or at outlet stores.

 

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A dinner at N.O.X

I have always wanted to try that. It’s a pity that I have been so particular about who to bring to this really special place that in the end I never been. what the fuck.

 

Victoria’s Secret Ultimate leggings with mesh and Ultimate push-up sports bra, both S.

(SGD 88.84 + 36.97) I think it’s cheaper if I buy it in the US.

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NAKED 2, From Urban Decay

Available at Sephora everywhere.

 

I would also like to take this moment to add that I have not passed DARKMOON on dota 2 and this uselessness I feel within me is driving me crazy.

I will be updating again by next week, probably finally feature a video of me cooking. Stay tuned if you would like to see me burn down the kitchen.

 

I’m never getting over you. 

Aftershock.

If I had to choose again, I will still choose the same path. I would still have befriended her, and I would still have allowed myself to fall in love with you. And I will still accept the broken bits that lay floating in the sea of sorrow right now.

You know how some people always say they choose not to date for fear of losing the initial friendship? I finally understand that now. Because this is the first time I have fallen for a friend. My relationships have always been a love at first sight. And it’s shocking how fast and hard I could love so much. The same kind of irrational love that I feared the most of having.

And of course what hurts the most is, she still gets to be your friend while I deal with the pain of loss. Triple the agony. 2 friendships, and a love I held so dear. It all ended so abruptly, my heart was reeling only after experiencing the after shock 24 hours later.

Then it all fell apart.

But I know, I do not deserve to speak of love when it comes to you. For I have broken my promise. I promised to brave through whenever you are insecure and do my utmost to embrace the volatility with more love. But I am only human, and not to mention, a weak one that is. All the umpteen times of abandon, of careless words and heartless disparage took its toll on me and my only self defense was to strike an offense. My insecurity took over me. I was too afraid of how much I loved you. And I wanted to stop it in hopes that the hurting will stop.

What pains me is that I cause you to spend your days thinking I have let you down that way. And only I myself knows the truth. I have no way to prove, no way to argue. And for that, I will deal with the consequences of my own weakness.

I will choose to bear this dirty title, because anger makes you move on faster. And I wish for nothing but happiness for you baby.

I will trace the outline of your body in my sleep, until I smile in my dreams, only to wake up to helpless destitute.

I do not know how long I can hold out this strong facade before the illness takes over. But till then, I will hold the memories of you close to my heart.

UNREAL

I wish you could feel what I feel. But at the end of the day, I am going to get through knowing you are better off without me. Take good care and I will always keep the good memories.

I will be updating soon guys. Stay tuned 🙂

Vodka for you?

YOU BETTER ZIP UP. YOU BETTER LAYER YOUR CLOTHES. Said everyone all the time.

Greetings from the rarest and probably one and only trip of my life, Manchester and Houston. I mean I absolutely HAVE to find that chance to finally whisk out my Burberry trench coat and put it to good use right?

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O Yeah check out my cute little furry boots that I have not worn since 50 million years ago. I am surprised the soles are still firmly stuck.

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HAD TO LIVE LIFE LIKE AN AMERICAN so we went to The Cheesecake Factory, indulged in grotesquely large sized plates of pasta. It wasn’t too bad but to nobody’s surprise I couldn’t finish mine.

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Hi may I have a slice of that Oreo Dream Extreme Cheesecake so that I may slog my ass off at the gym for 5 years? Thank you.

Don’t think anyone will ever regret eating cheesecake. Ever. I’m going to upload a video of myself baking an Oreo Cheesecake next year. (Like seriously, just 2 months later.) WAIT FOR IT. AND PREPARE THE FIRE BRIGADE.

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So y’all know your goddess nearly died because her Asian roots stretch so deep down back to home that all the pastas, burger and fries every single meal made her cry out for … RICE. I never knew I could miss that fluffy white grain of Kilograms to your stomach so much.

So I did some exploration into the Room service menu and saw “Thai Green Curry with RICE” Getting so excited and all… ordered that with a fruit platter that costs QUITE LITTLE LIKE MAYBE ABOUT 10 SGD FOR SOME THIN SLICES OF FRUIT. AND THAT ANTI PREGNANCY PINEAPPLE THAT I DONT EVEN TOUCH.

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If you have never seen Thai green curried risotto with random scraps of veg and thick, chunky chicken breasts that would make a girl ashamed of her assets, this is your chance.

TAKE IT ALL IN. 16 dollars.

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I learnt my lesson, and will never order Chinese food in the European hotels again. It wasn’t that it’s bad… maybe because I was hungry. But their breakfast buffet was awesome af.

I just had to take a pic of these cute wooden bowls and scoops they use to display the cereal varieties man… Too adorable but totally impractical because more cereal landed on the Astro turf than in my bowl.

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Here’s my sleepwear in the beautiful room… with them soft linen and plush pillows. I ADMIT, I rolled around and made contented cat noises to myself.

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LET ME TELL YOU THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY TRIP.

FUCKING T U M I . T  U  M  I

I finally got a strike off my lifelong wishlist. To own a Tumi. I love that brand ever since I walked into the shop during my trip to Hongkong. I swore my first paycheck would go to a Tumi. Well. To be exact, I wanted that check to go to a Tumi backpack but hell, this luggage is A FUCKING STEAL and its gorgeous as hell.

I must be fucking retarded to not get it.

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JUST LOOK AT THE COLOR. LOOK AT THE FUCKING SWAGGY DESIGN OMG I’M A FUCKING HIGHFLYER AND I WILL DIE WITH NO MORE REGRETS NOW.

Yes I pat it every time I use it and plant soft kisses on its soft smooth cover.

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Enough of revealing the cheap thrills I do in my every day life. HAHAHA. Y. bought me some really cute little maomaocong stuff and I immediately put this cup to good use. HAHAHA.

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Swaggeryolo69 get up at the MMU interschool Dota 2 competition in KUL. God damn cute young boys everywhere. I feel like their mother. No the cap is not to act cool or market myself to them I solemnly swear. I just did my laser. HAHAHA.

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Went to get my very necessary Sushi Zenmai fix after the competition and ordered 3 Hotate Mentaiyaki because hell Im luxurious AF. Kidding. It’s divided by 3 why the hell not.

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Just in case you guys think Singapore’s lanshop damn awesome you haven’t seen the shit they have in Malaysia. Serious business bro. Orange stadium.

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Anything with ROG is hot. That’s a competition arena right there. And did I mention you can play the game in high graphics. AND THE HOURLY RATE ITS DIVIDED BY 3 LET ME REMIND YOU AGAIN. Malaysia is awesome. I admit it now after spending 3 years with Z. Hahahaha. (Ok… more like after more than 90% of the people I hang out with are Malaysians.)

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Добро пожаловать в Москву
сука

LOL Don’t blame me. I learnt it from the Russians.

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Because going swimming when the weather outside is -10 degrees is the only logical thing to do. Came down with fever and flu because the heater in the room was trying to turn the place into a Sauna and so dry, it could dry up my tears in 0.01 second.

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ONE THING IS NOT QUITE LIKE THE OTHERS :

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I finally got out of my hotel room to explore the Red Square in Moscow. Just had to take a photo of this beautiful church.

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They were having a Christmas fair at the Square, and a huge assed ice skating rink. Not quite eager to show off my slipping skills so I passed.

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Went to the museum and learnt quite abit about Russia’s history. Mostly… all about war

TOLD MYSELF TO BE ADVENTUROUS AND TRY SOME RUSSIAN CUISINE RIGHT.

 

This is a herring and beetroot salad with potatoes and mayonnaise, served cold.

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Sea Buckthorn tea…. supposedly good for boosting your body’s immunity and something for the winter.

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Watch my video on it. HAHAHA.


I tried playing the video and the sound doesn’t work at times but who needs to hear my hoarse voice anyway….

Lastly, Borscht soup.

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Yes… that pretty much sums up my Moscow trip. Hahaha. I bought a Russian doll. I always get them on the list when I’m playing Object seeking mystery games on my Ipad. So happy to finally own one in real life. Has that creepy, mysterious vibe to it.

However, Russian dolls are meant to symbolize family togetherness. Hahaha.

Will upload a video of me doing my Garlic butter prawns because some people have been asking. And Will try to stream from Australia if their internet allows. Sounds highly impossible though.

I love all of you! Christmas is coming. Spend some time squeezing in Orchard road with people because the lights are quite pretty. My favorite is the one at Orchard Central. Go take a look.

If you like my posts, please do subscribe to my blog by hitting the follow button at the side >>>>>

My instagram is at Valeisky, and so is my twitch. Basically, so is my every other form of social media. Branding… right? HAHAHA.

Dosvidaniya ~

 

 

 

HOLAAAAA EVERYONE.

I will just start by showing you some pics of Asian food. (Ironically cooked in a Western country) BUT IT DOESNT MATTER.

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I am already 3/4 done with my long haul in UK and US. However, I swear I will never touch another burger for the next 1 year. I never knew I could miss Chinese food so much. I PROMISE I WILL EAT MORE RICE WHEN I GET HOME.

These lovely photos are taken in a cosy little shop in Melbourne. 10.50 AUD per plate. Expensive as hell. I ordered the one in the middle. My favorite! Preserved veg with shredded pork over steamed rice with lots of chilli. That chilli is so fragrant. Reminds me of my grandmother. Very homemade and delicious. And after tasting the other plates I can safely say I made the right choice. LOL.

Went walking down King William’s street and just had to stop by this grilled cheese van. I always had a little dream to own something like that. I want to sell baked rice and soups. HAHAHA.

The guys manning the van has this “Feed the homeless” where you can pay it forward. I donated 2.50 😀 and a few moments later I saw an old man walking up to them to ask if they have any grilled cheese sandwich to spare. As he hobbled away to a small shady spot to have his lunch, I felt so contented inside.

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Pretty cool huh? Anyway why the hell is cotton on more expensive in Australia than Singapore. I ended up buying cheeses and humongous strawberries home instead of the Sun Surf Summer-ish clothes that I was fantasizing of getting.

And let’s all remember Australia shops close at 5pm so I spent the whole day watching Friends. Do you know I have not watched the telly for like years? I fumbled with the control.

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Ya, like with the mask and all.

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Being the luxuriously indulgent little shit that I am, I popped in milk bath salts into the steaming tub. Opened the fresh strawberries and just took a long soak. I was picturing myself to be Goddess Elizabeth bathing in the fresh young virgin blood to maintain my deathly youth and beauty. HAHAHAHA.
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Nothing else on your face truly matters when you have eyebrows. HAHAHA.

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Here’s a mandatory scenery shot to show you that I really went there and not a photoshop genius. Because if I was, I wouldn’t look so bloody fat in this photo. It was just the jeans. Did I tell you? I threw em away. Buying it wasn’t the most jeanius shopping decision I made. HA HA HA.

Sorry, this shot is in Adelaide by the way.

HAHAHA THAT INTENTIONAL RHYME.

HAHAHAHAHHAA. FUCK.

Anyway enough of my trips. I went to Costal Settlement at that super ulu and super faraway place in Singapore. Opposite Changi hospital. What the fuck so expensive.

I ordered the mushroom soup and lamb racks. 14++ , 36 ++. The greens on the plate were largely confusing to my palate so I went full predator mode and only finished the lamb.

:/ Verdict? I think I rather visit the haunted hospital.

I miss my boyfriend. 5 more days to seeing him 😀 What if he forgot who I am. OMG. or he got a new owner. Insecurities……

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Hehe. I will be updating again when I get home. PROMISE! 4th of December. Wait for itttt.

Streaming on 4th December, afternoon.

That’s a sunday okay. Don’t tell me you got no time.

http://www.twitch.tv/valeisky

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