Now or never

hawk group photo

So, I had to deal with the pain of watching a teammate leave and needing to ready myself on welcoming a new one.

In case you do not know, These are the boys from HAWK GAMING. Currently tier 2 and based in KL, Malaysia.

Although I am just their “babysitter” cum Team analyst but these boys are just so endearing and I have grown to like each and every one of them. However the position 5 player has proven to be more favored by me because he says and does the sweetest things for me.

You know the law of life. The one you like the most just happens to be the one you will lose. Ha ha.

I remember on the team retreat, we were acting touristy and all, wandering into the souvenir shop where they sold some local products. I saw a coconut oil and it was freaking priced at 69.90. I only found out when I asked the cashier and thus left it at the counter cuz AINT NO BODY WASTING SO MUCH MONEY FOR SOME DUBIOUS CLEAR LIQUID THAT MAY NOT HAVE ANY HEALTH PROPERTIES AS ADVERTISED.

Went out of the shop, and suddenly he came up to me, holding the overpriced bottle in his hand. “Take it. You always treat us dinner and buy things for us. This is the least I can do for you.”

God did my heart melt into an entire soppy mess. And the part I love the most? He respects and actually take the feedback I give about their games into actual consideration and ACTION. Not just games. literally the life advices I always dish out because I am a naggy old aunty.

This post is dedicated to you CSL. The team and I wish you all the best with your career.
And as for I, I wish you can now find a balance in your family commitments and your passion. Remember to keep your promise to drop by whenever I am around!. And, yes blessings to find a girlfriend. 😛

*Yes I picked the photo where I am standing right beside him because if not whats the point. XD


Will be updating with an interesting post of my San Francisco happenings. Stay tuned guys.


Sorrow dues


Hello readers. I have something that I want you guys to watch. I think the Chinese will be familiar with this song. Irregardless, for those who have not heard this song, give it a go.

Here is the English translation for my Non-chi readers 🙂


You stopped in your tracks, on the street we are both familiar with.

And read out the speech you have prepared in your head

我還在逞強 說著謊
I’m still putting on a front, I’m still lying.

也沒能力遮擋 你去的方向
However I have no means to stop you… from the direction you wish to go

But I guess… at least I graciously let you go

After which, I still choose to stop by that road

Wishing and hoping, that I could bump into you on the other street.

思念在逞強 不肯忘
My heart is unwilling to forget the memories

怪我沒能力跟隨 你去的方向
I blame myself for being so weak, failing to follow the path you went on.

若越愛越被動 越要落落大方
The more we love, the more gracious we have to me.

你還要我怎樣 要怎樣
What else do you want from me.. what else??

Your sudden Text to me was enough to break me.

我沒能力遺忘 你不用提醒我
Its impossible for me to forget. So there’s no need to remind me

I guess this is the end.

我還能怎樣 能怎樣
What else do you want from me.. what else??

In the end, I still got the role of a heartbroken lover.

你從來不會想 我何必這樣
You have never thought of why am I this way.

Gradually, I began to move on and get back to living.

My heart slowly, accepted new candidates

愛你到最後 不痛不癢
I loved you, till the end, till it reached a neutral state. It doesnt hurt, I no longer crave.

留言在計較 誰愛過一場
We still exchanged texts, debating who was the one who really loved.

我剩下一張 沒後悔的模樣
The only expression on my face of which, is a stoic one, with no regrets.

你還要我怎樣 要怎樣
What else do you want from me.. what else??

I beg you please, don’t show up at my wedding.

我聽完你愛的歌 就上了車
I got in the car after listening to the song you love

It was worth loving you

我不要你怎樣 沒怎樣
I don’t want anything else from you. No need for anything.

Just don’t forget the journeys we went on together

因為那是我 最快樂的時光
Because those, were the happiest times of my life.

My life after you.. I guess is still quite alright

At least I didn’t end up being lonely because of you.

有一天晚上 夢一場
I had a dream.. one night

你白髮蒼蒼 說帶我流浪
You had long, white hair, and you beckoned me to roam with you

我還是沒猶豫 就隨你去天堂
As like before, with no hesitation, I followed you….. to heaven.

不管能怎樣 我能陪你到天亮
Regardless…. of whatever… I can accompany you till daybreak.


For you literature idiots this song is about a man whose love of his life left him. But he felt that if you truly love someone, you have to let her go even if you don’t want to. He spent his entire life loving her, kept in his heart are memories of them, the happiest he ever had.

The woman still texts him randomly, to argue that she may have loved him more/or telling him she was the one who really loved. But she never really thought about it from his point of view.

He still held no regrets loving her, and kept this love until it no longer hurt, until it becomes no longer a wound, he simply just lived with it.

He begged her please don’t come around his wedding because he knows in his heart, it still belongs to her. Even until he became old, the last dream he had was her, the image of an old woman, with her hand out, asking him to follow her.

With no hesitation of course, he followed her to heaven. (Meaning he fucking died brah)
But can you imagine, even before he died, his last vision was still her.

He spent his whole life loving her, and died still loving her.
I just can’t. One of the youtube comments spoke exactly what I felt:

> 這心要受多少傷才能寫出的歌

It means, how hurt, how much pain did this heart endure to be able for the person to write such a song?

Its like you can feel the pain. because its so real, so relatable. And I doubt people who feel the same as me can listen to it without tearing up. But I literally burst into tears.
I hope you guys enjoy this emo nemo episode. I will return with a short prose inspired by this song. Let me know your thoughts about this song!






















Ebony and carnal desires

He was marched into the large palace, where pillars loomed into majestic view in their finest marbling and gold shimmer.

And there she was, perched on her divine throne, with two lions side by side. The carpet woven with gold seemed to stretch on endlessly as he made his way right in front of her, where he stood, clearly besotted with her heavenly beauty.

“Are you not going to kneel, before me?” She spoke, the words played like music on a well tuned harp. Her eyes were so beguiling, they sparkled like glowing amber. Her hair was slightly tousled, and perfectly ebony. Her skin was pale as the first snow, so fair that she glistened.

Her gown was a mere white silken cloth, fashioned into a dress held together by a braid. The scarce fabric revealed her ample bosom, which was still taut and ripe despite having no support beneath it.

The cleavage split beautifully like a carved divergent; a smirk snaked across her face as she caught him feasting on the sight before him.

Moments later, the words finally got registered in his brain. He bowed his head in embarrassment from having such a vulgar stare. The guards retreated as he dropped his knees to the sacred ground, right before her.

His head was still hung low.

“What is your name, mortal?” She stared down, clearly amused by his guilt of unintentional contempt, instead of taking offence.

“I… I am Edgar, your highness.” He spoke softly with a slight tremble in between.

“You can call me Vera.”

Edgar looked up slowly, as though afraid he was unable to handle the sight before him. The goddess stood up, drapes falling gracefully into place, shielding her modesty.

She reached out her left hand, waiting for him to offer his palm. Edgar rushed up the pedestal and helped her down the steps.

“Do you know why you are here, Edgar?” The goddess’s tiny hand rested on his outstretched one. He was trembling subtly, as though afraid with any greater force, his burly movements may shatter her like porcelain.

He shook his head in reply. heart thudding brutally against his chest.

Vera smiled, a smile so enchanting that even the grim reaper will drop his scythe.










Magic cooking pot

Pardon my seemingly random and suspicious sounding blog post title; I ran out of creativity and my eyes zoomed into my cute little wonder cooker sitting snugly at the corner of the desk. Gah. It’s small, squarish and keeps me fed and contented during my lonely stays in overpriced countries earning underpaid allowance.


Can you spot the love of my life right there, glorious in its white and red, lying next to the rice that I brought with me cuz I’m cheena af and cannot survive on fries and burgers foreva.

So recently as yall know, I celebrated the “special” day that reminds me of how I am gradually morphing into an old fart. The only consolation is delicious cake and presents. It has always gotta be the presents. and the buttercream. 😉

Thank you for those of you who took the effort to (ship) (search) (save) (send) me all these presents. Sorry for this post, they came belated but important at the same time so I just have to post them up to show my gratitude.



I really really love all of my presents, have been using them to the maximum including those I received earlier.

Out of all that I want to thank, I want to thank that few viewers of mine who talked to me specially to check if I am okay, especially after that devastating break-up.

Thanks to all of you, for tuning in to my blog, to my stream and always supporting me with your generous compliments and response on my social media. You guys are such a great form of motivation. ❤

I love all of you!


Went to Manila recently.


I lugged my laptop like some retard only to realize I could not even stream a gif on facebook. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

So I spent my time eating fried chicken and playing with the police dog outside my hotel. Such is life.




I will be streaming in a couple of minutes and thus I can’t type too much bullshit right now. Stay tuned!

Ok stab me with a knife. I promised a video of some cooking tutorial for idiots for like THE LONGEST TIME and it has not materialized. I RECEIVED YOUR SLAP IN THE FACE and I swear to god and a lifetime of potatoes that I will do it the very next post WHICH WILL BE BEFORE 27th. I PROMISE OR MY BUTT WILL DOUBLE IN SIZE.

That aside, I am sure you guys saw that lame ass video I posted of “Why you should date a gamer boyfriend”.


I will be coming up with another one shortly. And also let you know what I think about the BEAUTY AND DA BEASTTTTTT. I hope I can manage to grab tickets. You know, I am not those kiasu people who buy 5 years in advance. So… fingers and twat crossed.


maomaocong draw


iced hearts, forgotten kisses

In commemoration it has been one month since he left, and for my dear friend ZA who recently lost the love of his life, I hereby dedicate this little post to him and all of the broken hearted ones out there; you are not alone.

I know it’s going to be the same every night before you head to bed, loneliness envelopes you and the devil’s advocate fills your mind with dire thoughts. I know the pillow just seem larger than before without her head resting on it, and your arms feel empty without the familiar embrace.

And throughout the night, your subconscious pass the hours with vivid dreams of desire, of longing, of how things used to be.

Waking up, I daresay to me, it’s the worst. You shoot out of bed with your heart pumping into overdrive. You feel as if you have fallen into an abyss. Of emptiness. Because when the sun rays hit your eyelids, you wake up to know every thing you have dreamt, is everything you want to dream.

That it’s not real. And she isn’t coming back. Your phone is silent. Yes you dreamt of her texting you. You dreamt of her saying she’ll agree to come back into your arms.

I know its going to be hard. We have all cried and lunged wildly at the cruel emptiness, head banging against the wall and screaming gibberish to the air. Until tears choked up your throat and your voice abandons you.

But things that don’t come easy will teach the best lessons. Do something different today. You can do it crying, like I did, but do it with pride. Clean your room. Learn how to bake macarons. Enrol in yoga. I chose the first. HAHA. Albeit my tears sloshing down whilst I dusted my wardrobe, I flopped onto bed, looked around my tidy and beautiful room and feel a sense of achievement.

And I learnt many things from this pain of a heartache. So will you. One of the things you’d learn is acceptance. Accepting that you are good in your own ways and that you should never beat yourself up for it. Unless of course you killed her whole family and cheated with her best friend then I think you ought to die. HAHAHA kidding.

Learn something from this pain. And don’t you ever ever dare to hate her. Alot of people (as like my ex) chose to hate me, to concentrate on the things I did to him (or things he assumed I did to him) and goes around spreading how much he hates me to people around because let’s face it, it’s easier to hate someone you used to love because it hurts lesser, and you move on faster. But it makes you vengeful and self entitled.

Don’t stoop to that level. Hold your head high and say it out loud. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit I still love you. I loved you, and I still do. Yes I am hurt that you left but I don’t ever, for a second, hate you. This will make you grow. It will open your eyes to see what are the things you have done wrong and you learn from it. Banking on other people’s mistakes will only make you deluded from your own.

Then who will it benefit?

Learn from your failed relationship and think about how you can do better next time. But don’t get it mixed up with self blame. I flooded my mind with all the things I could have done for him without realising that I was rationale at that point when I was IN the relationship, that the fact is I HAD done enough for him. There’s a difference between things you could have done but didn’t, and things you do not have to do, but you think it could have made things better. It wouldn’t.

If you gave your heart and loved wholeheartedly, don’t ever blame yourself for things not done and say it was your fault she left. It was nobody’s fault. It’s just so that we grow wiser by the day and we learn more. Our library of “Things that can be done” expands.

I know this sinking feeling in your heart is here to stay for quite a fair bit. But you need to be happy because your parents love you. And your siblings love you too. Even if you are bloody hell homeless and friendless you have me. You will have that someone that cares about you. Or it could be your dog or even the cockroaches that you breed in your room cuz you didn’t clean up. HAHAHA

Smile, and laugh. Okay? Be strong. Because someone out there loves you. And most importantly, you have you.

You are the power you need to be happy. To crack a few jokes. You are the energy that can drive you to do great things. Live better than the you yesterday.

Dont ever underestimate what pain can do to a person. If you channel it correctly, you will be invincible. Life is short, eat that steak and eat two butters to one bread. because you fucking can.



To my dearest readers, I know I promised an exciting post and trust me I took so many hilarious photos that I wanted to share with you. However it’s painful for me to browse through my photo gallery at the moment.

But I did get down to work to draw something… hahaha.


Maomaocong says Happy Chinese New Year! 😀

HAHAHA. He looks retarded. I don’t know why I even like him so much. Darn cute. For those of you who watched my stream yesterday, I was going on about this really cute little lightbulb-ish humidifier. Remember Moscow? The air was so dry. So I figured its time to buy one of these portable magical objects. I got it on qoo10. I think it was only like… 15dollars?

Plug it into the usb port on ur laptop and this little thing whizzes to life. I think you can do a steam facial using it if you want to. Hehe. I MEAN HOWWWW THEY EVEN INCLUDED STONES AND LITTLE PALM TREE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ISLAND.




I just celebrated lycan’s 5th birthday and my own LETS NOT GO INTO THE AGE.

Just in case you are wondering, his cake is a gigantic meat ball. LOL.




I bought him 85$ worth of snacks from bow wow… this guy has better know how fucking luxurious and pampered he is.


I can’t wait for February to be over actually. Because the page of my March calendar is a fresh one. With only plans for myself. I will face the only last day I have to meet him in March with my head high. As like I have been advised so many times. If my conscience is clear, heaven knows. He doesn’t have to know. Because it doesn’t matter anymore. And it doesn’t matter because there is no point in hanging around someone who doesn’t love you enough.



Anyway just to make you guys jealous I WENT TO MALDIVES. One of my dream destinations holy shit. And one night stay is obviously not enough for me.







Posing in front of a jetski that I can’t afford to ride on. damn.


Well….. at least kayaking is free.



I want to be inside forever. Probably drown there but well. Water too shallow to die in. But certainly breathtaking enough to die in peace.







The resort is beautiful, albeit like a maze and the food is costly af but trust me it’s so worth it if you enjoy being in water just like me. Is it a coincidence since I am an Aquarian?




EZPZ Prawn arrabiata for nerds like me who like to stay at home or cooking idiots trying to impress their girlfriends:

ALL you need:

*For 2*

1/3 pack of Penne pasta
Bacon (Optional)
Minced garlic
Fresh Basil leaves
A  medium can of quality “Diced tomatoes” (I used Hunt’s from NTUC)
Large peeled prawns, devined. (Mine costed about 7.80 SGD for two portions)
Olive oil, salt and pepper.

Cook the pasta:

– Add in salt and some olive oil into pot for good luck into a pot of water, bring to boil.
– Add in pasta when water is bubbling. Stir and check periodically.


Cook the sauce:

– In a heated saucepan, warm up olive oil. Throw in bacon (If you halal, skip this step)
– Throw in garlic and chilli. Ensure that fire IS NOT HUGE LIKE THE RAGING PITS OF        SATAN’S HOME so that the garlic won’t burn.
– Toss in prawns and ensure they are cooked thoroughly.
– Empty can of diced tomatoes with all the tomato sauce into pan.
– Keep tossing and mixing everything together.
– Simmer on low heat.


Finishing up:

– Drain penne pasta (Make sure pasta is al dente, I personally like it abit softer than that.)
– Throw pasta into the saucepan.
– Mix well.
– Serve up on your dinner plates, garnish with one fresh basil leaf FOR THAT INSTAGRAMMABLE TOUCH.

Your pasta is ready and your girlfriend will immediately believe you are marriage material once the lovely arrabiata pasta touches her lips.

And then it wouldn’t only be pasta that her lips touches later on 😉



And before we end obviously I JUST HAD TO let you guys know that my extremely hilarious sister burst into tears when we were having steamboat the other day. She went to get more food and then started crying when she realised we were only left with 15mins before the waiter chases us out because LUNCH was only 70 mins restriction.

And as her very supportive sister I just had to take photos of it and post it online. HAHAHA.

Love y’all. See you soon. Will be posting my KL SUNWAY LAGOON escapade soon. STAY TUNED OK.






Sun and Moon

You were the sun and moon to me. 

Hello darlings. For those of you who followed me closely (Great thanks and appreciation to you out there, wherever you are.) I am sure you are aware that I just ended a devastating break-up. I guess when you get older, its not just the physical wounds that take longer to mend. And in order for me to keep myself in fit condition for work because hell, I can’t lose my job over emotions that I can’t control; I will be visiting my doctor regularly and hopefully some therapy can help me. I don’t care, he can try hypnotizing me like before and make me forget this like those large pieces of my childhood that went missing for the greater good.

Till then, I can only look forward to the little things in life. AND ONE OF WHICH,


Birthday is coming just round the corner!!!

As per usual drill, my friends have requested for my wishlist to be posted up. Because well, I guess they find me extremely picky when it comes to presents.

If you are getting me something off this list, please do let me know so I will cross it out. Thanks y’all I love you. HAHAHA. Some are impossible to get. It’s ok. We all have big dreams that never come true and unrequited love.


Birthday Wishlist:


Potent gaming laptop ON the GO. Weighing only 2.3KGS, uses GTX 1070. Fucking dreams come true bruh.
(Has to be preordered. RTP: S$2698 or MYR $6500)



SAMSUNG SSD (Solid State Drive) EVO 4TB.

Piecing my dream Desktop together, slowly but surely. Hahaha.



NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1080 Graphic card.
(RTP: S$580)

Image result for razer hammerhead pro photo

Razer Hammerhead Pro
Only the PRO edition has microphone what the fuckery is that.
(RTP: $106)


Related image

Razer Blackwidow X Chroma
What’s a desktop without some flashy ahbeng-ish chroma lights man.
(RTP: S$ 289)


Image result for sumikko gurashi pouch

Image result for sumikko gurashi green penguin

Image result for sumikko gurashi green penguin

Sumikko Gurashi Maomaocong (Green Penguin) Pouch and Keychain.
And the plushie in the middle to replace the one that I left at B’s house. He probably threw it away 😥


WALLET - 1MH037_2E3K_F0002


Prada Saffiano letter wallet

I am gonna get it from an outlet store so it’s cheaper. Hahaha.  If you want to get this for me, just let me know and I will buy it on my own and send you the receipt with a kiss. ❤

Image result for tumi durban expandable duffel

Tumi Durban Expandable duffel.

Its no longer sold in retail stores. Hoping to find it via a reseller or at outlet stores.


Image result for nox dining

A dinner at N.O.X

I have always wanted to try that. It’s a pity that I have been so particular about who to bring to this really special place that in the end I never been. what the fuck.


Victoria’s Secret Ultimate leggings with mesh and Ultimate push-up sports bra, both S.

(SGD 88.84 + 36.97) I think it’s cheaper if I buy it in the US.

Related image

NAKED 2, From Urban Decay

Available at Sephora everywhere.


I would also like to take this moment to add that I have not passed DARKMOON on dota 2 and this uselessness I feel within me is driving me crazy.

I will be updating again by next week, probably finally feature a video of me cooking. Stay tuned if you would like to see me burn down the kitchen.


I’m never getting over you.