You know how people always say that anything with a strong foundation lasts through the sly works of time and hardship.
I felt it today.
I look back on our relationship. At myself. Trying to imagine how it felt like to be in your shoes that night we first met. Looking at that girl her conspicuous orange jumpsuit. My god, she’s just ASKING for attention isn’t she? She had a drop too much. Not your Victoria secret model, but quite a looker.
Say hi you would because she already made friends with the entire pub. Amid her laughter and the small talk, she whispered flirtatiously in your ears.
What else can you think of her?
You did not want to pick her up to bring her home yet, then. Because you wanted to grow to like her. She wouldn’t have been the one for you if you guys fucked that very night. So it was your choice was it? You were dead sure she was going home with you if you so much so as asked.
Is that the mistake? Loving someone you met at a place of your daily vice; Of booze and cigarettes. Casual commitments of pretentious emotions.
Everything was wrong about finding love that night. She was so friendly. She gave herself away so easy that night. She laughed at all your jokes. She must be patronizing. I bet she’s a pro, luring guys every other night.
Guys love talking to her. You bet, she loves that attention. She’ll lap em up. Her body was made for sins. She does that thing before you fuck her. You know. the thing they do in porn. You bet it’s because she rents her body to pay her bills. She’s so good at what she does. She cooks for you and plays games with you. Wow, you are starting to think she must have been a really experienced kept woman. Like Coco Chanel but void of the entrepreneurship. Or was it Anastasia in 50 shades?
But where is her fancy ass car?
So yes, I looked back. I was just that girl you met randomly that night, at the place of vice. Someone who gave herself to you too easily and made you believe she could do it with anyone else. Someone who loved you in a different way from what you envisioned it to be. You didn’t want her gift of expensive shoes although you loved flashy things. (What an irony?) You didn’t want a girl who could drink, you didn’t need a girl who could play computer games because now there are mind games going forth in your heads.
Why couldn’t I have been a girl doing a 9-5, you probably thought out loud to yourself.
That was when I realized how my love became my greatest mistake. I wasn’t your average Jane. I became a superstar wife for you only to realize you never wanted the shiny trophies. There wasn’t a need for standing ovations. You merely wanted the recognition for coming into the limelight, for me.
Heart feels like shattered glass. And well, that girl you once knew, is already gone.
But she has a P.S. for you. “I never went home with anybody.”