Author Archives: Valeisky

1. What’s in the water?

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The deepest darkest night lulled over that Saturday. Ominous clouds embraced the moon, light disappeared.

He was alone in the bathroom, going through the usual routine. It had been a tiring day at work. Slumped shoulders bore the weight of resent, of bitterness and regrets. He slinked into the bathtub, wishing and wanting for the soapy suds to ease the stress away. He wasn’t used to the dead silence, even though it has already been months since she took off with their only daughter, gushing in the arms of another man.

“Bloop… bloop”

Bubbles form on the placid surface where bubbles once were. It has been half an hour, but he was still soaking. The warmth of the bath too, has long left. He let out a fart, watching in near amusement as they gently rose to the surface.

“Bloooop.. bloop blooop blooop”

He froze. Somewhere at the far end of the tub, where his feet were perched against the smooth ceramic, were bubbles rising to the surface. That can’t be him!

He was unable to move. Eyes fixated on the spot, he found himself gripping both edges of the tub, stricken with fear.

“Blooooooop. Blooop Bloop Blooop”

It continued. Bubbles were emerging, breaking out on the surface almost violently.

Could it be the stopper coming loose by accident? He snapped out of his fear and dismissed it as childish. All the months of living alone must have gotten to him. In a bid to be rationale and solution orientated, he plucked his hand away from the edge. Blood flowed through his palm once more.

He bent forward, hand dipping into the lukewarm water, searching for the stopper.

The soapy water suddenly looks like a horrid shade of dirty brick red, no thanks to the last drops of bubble wash from his daughter Kiki, He groped around aimlessly for the stopper.

His fingers touched something. As though an electric shock, fear shot through his body, leaving him paralyzed from the touch. His fingers grabbed onto the object instinctively as he pulled it out from the water.

It was a large pile of hair.

Long, dark, crinkled strands of hair. They seem to flow endlessly like a ball of mating snakes, writhing in his hand.

His heart palpitated so fast as he threw the ball of hair away from him, and bolted out of the water.

“What the fuck?” he murmured to himself as he grabbed on to his towel.

“Okay, Ben, relax, you fucking idiot. It’s just hair. This is what you get for leaving the toilet unkempt since Lylia left.” Hands worked in synchronization as he worked hard with the towel, drying himself up in a bid to regain his composure.

“UUURPPPPPPPPP. BLURRRRP”

Ben turned to face the tub. The tub was being emptied all the sudden.

He could feel his jaw dropping, feet rooted to the ground. He watched, dumbfounded and face marred with horror.

The water was receding. The sides of the tub was dyed with remnants of the obnoxious orange bubbles. Slowly, an outline became visible.

“…..” Ben gasped.

It was mortifying. The last droplets escaped through the sinkhole. What was left, was the body of a young child. Naked, and white as death.

He took off for the door without so much as a second look. Towel wrapped gingerly around his privates, he ran into his bedroom and tried to reach for his phone.

The ceiling light flickered, and then went off. He was basked in darkness. The only light that came, was the soft orange glow from the bathroom. Ben continued looking for his phone, clumsily groping in pitch black.

“Daddy… help me… help”

Soft cries came from the bathroom.

“Was it the child corpse? It’s alive?????” Thoughts ran amok in his head.

“Please… daddy. Please help me.”

The cries streamed on, loud and distinct, chiming across the room.

“Run.” Ben’s mind urged him logically. But his feet were doing just the opposite.

He inched towards the bathroom. Slowly…. the tub came into sight. Bony fingers were grasping the edge of the tub.

“Craaaaaaackkkk”

The sound of bones cracking reverberated throughout the bathroom. He was planted firmly in his spot as the corpse mustered strength to pull itself upright.

62 ideas bath tub photoshoot dark #bath (With images) | Bathtub ...

He couldn’t believe his eyes. It was Kiki. Or, rather, something that resembled her. Her eyes were lifeless, and her body was skeletal. Hair was partially ripped out from her skull.

“…Kiki?” Words left his mouth without much thought.

Upon hearing her name, the girl started crying.

Ben tried to inch towards the tub, but fear was standing against him. His heart was slamming against his rib cage in protest.

He reached out his fingers. Suddenly, the girl stared blankly at him, her jaw dropping to an impossible length as though it has dislocated. The light went out with a sharp flicker.

“SAVE HER!!!!!” The young crying voice morphed into something deep and hoarse. Her eyes started bleeding.

Ben yelled in horror.

The lights then came back on. It was gone.

The tub was still filled with the fizzy orange water. There was no girl, no hair, and no sound. It was back to the silence that filled the house once before.

The only sound came from the rampant beating of his heart.

Ben lunged forward to the tub. There was nothing in the water. His hands sloshed around. He reached for the stopper to drain the water out.

His head was in a mess. He stared hard at the tub as the water went out. Then there it was, scribbled like nails against a chalkboard, were poorly written words. Almost illegible.

“Save her.”

Saudade//

by

Her fingers interlaced his hair like silk, a wet smile lit up the room with a brazen gloom.

I wrote a great many stories about heartbreaks – Like poverty, like fame, Why do some people experience it more than the others?

Today, I felt it again after a long, long time. However, it is different this time round. Perhaps, like a fresh wound, the acerbic tones pierce you like it’s the first time all over again.

Today years old me, know that love and emotions are all processed in the brain. Not the heart. Hence, imagine the shock I received when my heart started writhing in pain.

Is that a placebo effect? Surely I have outgrown that.

It felt like I was a gigantic cell, and there was an incoming viral attack on my mitochondria, slowly spreading outwards, lengthwise, eating everything along the way. I seem to gradually diminish, my defenses are worn down. Pain exacerbated. Like as if my heart has gone into shock.

The attack spread outwards, down the span of my arms. The burst so explosive the hairs on my body sprang up in fear.

It was irrevocable. I couldn’t grasp at the pain nor could I make it stop. The exultant invasion clouded my vision. It has consumed so much of me that I felt light. I was floating away into a void. I was no longer whole. I have drowned in the anguish, and asphyxiated – All this time despite I am still very much alive.

Then, it dawned onto me. I figured that my brain was unable to process that much pain that it had to come up with a directive. It had to direct all that pain somewhere else in order to still function. To remain sane.

Because you can’t die from a heartbreak. But it kills you anyway.

Memories are like a slideshow of emotions. A Pandora box, leering at the love that remains.

Pink.

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Sheila has an innocuous face. Those big eyes that sparkle like droplets of first morning dew.

I really like that.

I plant kisses. Slow… gentle. From her cherry lips, to her decolletage, to her bosom.

Her body is petite. Scrawny , actually. With soft rosy flesh like velvet snow. So mesmerizing. Her breasts are a handful, nothing too lewd, but enough to please. Her nipples stand taut for the longest time, in its bubble gum color.

I wrestle my tongue on her nipples, sucking softly. She refuses to moan. Am I doing it too hard? I tease the teeny peaks with softer strokes, cupping the other breast with my free hand. The beautiful milky mound sits in the curvature of my hand like a fitting jigsaw piece. I marvel at the tenderness of this gorgeous round.

I feel a reaction at my groin area as my eyes slowly move south… from her obscenely hung breasts to her navel button with its cute little piercing… and then to her clean landing strip.

Her pussy is shaped like a yearning flower – Longing for a full bloom. Her labia is outspread, as if searching for that ray of sunshine. I rimmed them carefully with my fingers, almost like reading off a manuscript. I did it piously. My head, lowered, reaching to taste that nectar like a honey bee.

She’s already wet. I detect hints of urine, but well, the internet did mention it doesn’t smell like it looks, does it?

I applied some lubricant on my fingers. It’s watermelon flavor. I figured its a girly girl smell that may appeal to her. In a sweeping motion, i hold up her vulgar looking labia like curtains to a talk-show. The sweet valley popped apart, welcoming my greasy fingers almost with anticipation.

The sound it makes is melodious, I could almost fit lyrics to the tune. My fingers are working hard… and so is my tongue. I nibble, lick and suck on the flower bud with zest. MMmMmm… Tasty.

She’s all prepped up now. For me. I pulled down my pants, my manhood groaning, begging for relief. More watermelon it is. I lubed up. I looked at her, legs parted callously. All I see is pink. Her beautiful pink hair, and her rosy skin. A sea of pure, clean bliss.

Her eyes are closed still, looking like a sleeping angel, a cherub of spring. My angel.

I assume the missionary position. It’s boring, I know. But I get to take in the entire, explicit view of her body. I shoved the entire length in. Hard. Her body seemed like it shuddered from the violence of it. But, surely pleasure has overwhelmed the pain, if any was present.

I rock myself hard. The hunger is almost insatiable. I feel like a demon, relishing a living soul. A fire burns within the pits of my belly. I could not stop. Harder and harder, I pounded her like meat. I squeeze her boobs as if they are stress balls.

‘AHHHH FUCK!’ I emptied all of me into her honeypot, like the anther to her stigma. There was no resistance. She appears contented.

I brush my fingers against her forehead, sweeping the hair like fabric threads on a weaving loom. I kiss her for the last time.

Sweet, beautiful Sheila. I own you now. Your pussy has parted like a flower in bloom for me. My seeds are now scattered in you, where they will be, for an eternity.

I re position her body, for that whorish view is only for me, her lover. I carry her up from the bed. The plump pillows still imprinted with her tiny frame. Into the bathroom we go. I lower her into the bath tub. The smell of bleach corroded my nose. I try to breathe shallowly.

‘Sorry my darling, that you have to endure this. But you need this to retain your beauty.’ The concoction of embalming fluids completely engulf her body. I shower her, my lips curling into a smile.

She is so lovely, even when she’s drowning in viscous liquid.

Somewhere back there at Sheila’s house, her worried parents must have stumbled on her note, saying she has ran away.

She has run. to me. And this is where she’ll stay. It’ll be Spring all year round with pink.

Thalassophobia.

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A conundrum: What she fears that will end her life. The phobias creeping below her skin, the toxicity of a lonesome mind, what is it exactly?

Water usually eases her. Decked in a colorful number out in the sun, with a little picnic mat and a long time wasting away in merriment… almost enough to grow a mermaid tail.

Sparkling, clean water. Chlorine in the pool that appeared to have dyed the pool a lagoon blue. Being able to see where exactly the goggles fell onto the depth of the marvelously tiled floor.

She felt that the transparency of water soothes her, akin to humans. She was not a mind reader, or so she thought. But most people’s thoughts resonate like high end crystal glasses, clear as day, albeit some are deadly.

A fish that swims in circles along the sad parameters of a confining pool, drowning in the expressions of everyone she has met; is that sad? That is indeed a tragic tale, enough to activate animal rights advocates to initiate a protest.

But one who swims in the unknown depths, never knowing what’s behind you, what’s below you… and how far up to the surface, is that fear?

Thalassophobia.

 

 

Love in a place of vice.

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You know how people always say that anything with a strong foundation lasts through the sly works of time and hardship.

I felt it today.

I look back on our relationship. At myself. Trying to imagine how it felt like to be in your shoes that night we first met. Looking at that girl her conspicuous orange jumpsuit. My god, she’s just ASKING for attention isn’t she? She had a drop too much. Not your Victoria secret model, but quite a looker.

Say hi you would because she already made friends with the entire pub. Amid her laughter and the small talk, she whispered flirtatiously in your ears.

What else can you think of her?

You did not want to pick her up to bring her home yet, then. Because you wanted to grow to like her. She wouldn’t have been the one for you if you guys fucked that very night. So it was your choice was it? You were dead sure she was going home with you if you so much so as asked.

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Is that the mistake? Loving someone you met at a place of your daily vice; Of booze and cigarettes. Casual commitments of pretentious emotions.

Everything was wrong about finding love that night. She was so friendly. She gave herself away so easy that night. She laughed at all your jokes. She must be patronizing. I bet she’s a pro, luring guys every other night.

Guys love talking to her. You bet, she loves that attention. She’ll lap em up. Her body was made for sins. She does that thing before you fuck her. You know. the thing they do in porn. You bet it’s because she rents her body to pay her bills. She’s so good at what she does. She cooks for you and plays games with you. Wow, you are starting to think she must have been a really experienced kept woman. Like Coco Chanel but void of the entrepreneurship. Or was it Anastasia in 50 shades?

But where is her fancy ass car?

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So yes, I looked back.  I was just that girl you met randomly that night, at the place of vice. Someone who gave herself to you too easily and made you believe she could do it with anyone else. Someone who loved you in a different way from what you envisioned it to be. You didn’t want her gift of expensive shoes although you loved flashy things. (What an irony?) You didn’t want a girl who could drink, you didn’t need a girl who could play computer games because now there are mind games going forth in your heads.

Why couldn’t I have been a girl doing a 9-5, you probably thought out loud to yourself.

That was when I realized how my love became my greatest mistake. I wasn’t your average Jane. I became a superstar wife for you only to realize you never wanted the shiny trophies. There wasn’t a need for standing ovations. You merely wanted the recognition for coming into the limelight, for me.

 

Heart feels like shattered glass. And well, that girl you once knew, is already gone.
But she has a P.S. for you. “I never went home with anybody.”

 

Birthday wishlist 2020

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2020 hasn’t exactly been the best year so far isn’t it? And it’s only January. The world is slowly falling apart… and yet some people are too self entitled to notice. People are abusing antibiotics, racism still exists and we are still enslaved to money, which indeed, is the root to all problems. It literally is the cause of all the things we are facing now. Global warming, war, modern diseases, it all comes from greed.

For me? Speaking as a 29 year old – I sure didn’t live through WW2, but I am part of that particular batch of kids in Singapore to see through the blackboard halfway through school, the nokia to smartphones phase, lived through SARS, played block catching instead of computer games, got caned by my parents instead of watching talking TOM, got addicted to computer games (oh, the irony), last few batch of EM 1 2 3 streamed children, sold ice cream as a teen and having seen all these, I cherish what I had before, now even more than ever.

I value the dollar, and all the pretty things it can buy. But the same shiny dollar has shown me the true face of some friendships as well as costed me some. Boy, have I worked hard to polish it till it shines. I will work hard to make sure this devilish coin never turns me into a monster in the fervent pursuit of it.

I made some new year resolutions along the way, and as mentioned in my previous post, the sense of satisfaction is real strong with this one. However, this year’s resolutions consists of alot more things that are non-monetary. I wish to give back to the world to the best that I can.

Hence, after so much crap that I just wrote, I am just here to give my annual birthday wishlist because my friends complain they have no idea what to get for me. (But its real hard to come up with things I want to have)

In summary, I am trying to say, Gee thanks for all these beautiful items that cost money. In the end, as long as we are living and breathing in this current society, we are all mice running for that slice of cheddar.

Unless of course, n-cov has the power to bring upon an apocalypse. But don’t worry guys, it will not. Please stop hogging the masks.

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1. DYSON AIRWRAP (Pink) 700$

wishlist 1

 

Little motherfucker looks too good to be true and I want to be an ignorant, retarded customer who falls for all these pretty schemes.

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2. LOVEEEE. LV NeoNoe MM Monogram bag (Rose Poudre) 2.3k

Been wanting to promote to being a full fledged auntie and there’s no better way than to carry an LV carry-all for all your kiasu needs. Tissue paper, blotting paper, waterbottle, umbrella, surgical mask, portable charger and passport in case you need to travel to JB asap for cheaper discount sales.

(On a side note I have been wanting this dream bag for the longesttttt time)

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3. Chanel 19 long zipped wallet (In black or cream) 1.8k

chanel 19 wallet

Im obsessed with the chanel 19 design. Its beautiful, clean and plushy.

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4. Chanel 19 wallet on chain (Black or cream) 4.4k

chanel 19 wallet on chain

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5. Ipad pro 11, 512gb with cellular, (Silver)  1.9k

ipad pro 512

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6. Mobile legends 5000 + 1000 diamonds top up 150$

 

Probably the most useless out of the lot… but whatever. D; At least I am not an idiot pumping money into the blood sucking, ugly Dota 2 compendiums anymore.

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7. ABSOLUTE WANTTTTT! Le Creuset is on V’day promo omg. (Cherry red) 388$

Takashimaya CNY Exclusive_9Jan-16Feb_Products

 

I want to cook all my stupid shit inside this fancy pot, I don’t care.

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8. Loccitane Citrus Verbena refreshing water gel. 48$

loccitane verveine citrus gel

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9, Loccitane Limited edition Citrus verbana shower gel. 48$

citrus verbana shower gel

Its limited edition so I don’t know if there’s any left. How sad. I was too busy buying Christmas gifts for others (Not getting many back in return) and spending a truck load on stupid people to realize I should have just grabbed it for myself. 😦

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10.  Dining at Stellar, at 1 altitude. 9 course elements 228 ++ $

stellar fine dining

 

Would definitely love to be visually seduced by the night sky and tantalized on my tastebuds.

 

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I never knew it could be so hard to come up with a wishlist. Its probably the age. Because now I want things I really need but cannot have, such as a house, and a car, and a lizard.

D:

Stay safe people!

Osaka nambaaaa 1?

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Good morning everyone! It took me a year to make a new post. And currently with my random peaking visits on my site, I am starting to feel all my viewers are bots. Which can actually be a great thing.

For the rest of my human friends, here I am again. I am very determined this year – To complete all of my new year resolutions. Procrastination, as mentioned once by a famous person; is like masturbation. It feels good at first, but in the end, you realize you are just fucking with yourself.

I completed a few most important goals last year and the feeling was fantastic. It gave me a frenzied spur of motivation. I want to relive that sense of achievement all over again!

One of my goals this year includes: Buying my long-longed for blue tongue skink. REALLY!!?!?!? YES!!!!!!

Image result for blue tongue skink gif

 

That aside, I have a new year resolution which has never been achieved before. And that’s:

TWO BLOG POSTS A MONTH

 

Here I am asking myself like “HELLO? WILL IT KILL YOU TO MASH SOME RANDOM BUTTONS ON YOUR KEYBOARD FOR TWICE A MONTH” Because yes the irony is I trashtalk people by furiously spamming a slew of uncouth words every day (MLBB can get real toxic) but I frown and belch upon looking at the plain white wordpress screen every time i open my browser.

I am left with 2 more days to cough out my second blog post for this month AND I WILL DO IT.

Ok, enough of this. I cannot overpromise because I made a pact with the satan inside me and the loser will face disastrous calamities.

I am here to blog about my recent trip, its an Osaka trip and I have previously done a “Sordidly honest reivew” about Japan here:

https://voirvaleisky.com/2019/05/13/my-honest-japan-trip-review/

Today, I am just here to share with you guys what I have rediscovered about Osaka. I hope it will be useful for some of you out there, who aren’t bots.

 

We shall first start by a popular name: ICHIRAN RAMEN

All the kiasu Singaporeans and Malaysians will be gushing about it saying “OMG YES THIS IS THE WORLD’S MOST DELICIOUS RAMEN” and proceed to queue about 1.5hours in the cold Japan air for it.

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Ichiran lives up to its touristy hype as this ramen is very structured in its noodles, springy and distinctive in its texture. The soup base is flavorful and it’s really suited to our locals’ taste buds. But I love drinking soup, so because of how rich and oily the soup is, I cannot drink too much of it. D:

I am here to tell you a little fun fact about Ichiran. For all of you people who keep showing off your photos boasting about how rich you are to have traveled far and wide to Japan and queued to eat this bowl of piping hot stuff and that its the BEST noodles ever in hopes your 430 instagram followers will be envious, I hate to break it to you, but Ichiran is considered peasant food.

That’s right~ Japanese, just like Koreans, still have this super clear High SES Low SES shit going on where the job position you hold determines whether you eating Wagyu teppanyaki or Ichiran for dinner.

Sounds funny? But no it isn’t. I only found out about this back when I was in SQ doing a flight to Tokyo and my Singaporean colleagues were raving about Ichiran and asking all of us to go. (I had ichiran back when I was flying for Jetstar but I never knew it was famous. Maybe that was before the Touristy hype)

They asked the Japanese stewardesses if they would like to join and the senior, tactful and polite being how Japanese are, said “No, please go ahead. We will be unable to join you.”

“Aww why????” My overly enthusiastic junior replied. And then, being how curt and cruel Japanese can also be, the senior replied “Because in Japan, that is food for the working class. And because we are air stewardesses, we are not allowed to eat at Ichiran. We eat elsewhere. Its ok, please queue together with the other tourists. I am sure it is delicious. ” She ended it with a short dry laugh and I loved every moment of it.

Image may contain: 1 person, outdoor

 

If you are going to OSAKA, check out the Ichiran at Dotonburi. In fact, there are alot of good stuff at Dotonburi. Its the one-stop district for tourists. Enjoy the takoyaki balls while you are waiting for your turn at Ichiran. It should only take about 1-1.5 hours to be seated; that isn’t a problem for Singaporeans, is it? HAHA.

 

80 year old man’s balls:

Since we are on this topic, OSAKA is known for their takoyaki and okonomiyaki – You will find many takoyaki stalls everywhere in Dotonburi. I tried a few stalls. This one I featured below, has been pretty talked about online. Kukuru 

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I tried the stall right next to Ichiran ramen at Dotonburi as well. That shop had a catchy song playing for you while you wait but I can’t fucking remember because well, both of these stalls have really wrinkly and saggy balls that didn’t quite go down agreeably with my palate.

I loooooove tako balls and thus you could imagine my lust for em balls when I heard Osaka is famous for em piping starchy rounds. However, I think that the takoyaki balls aren’t really made well. The balls should be crisp and firm on the outside but soft on the inside. I am not sure is it because they are rushing to cater to the crowd (unlikely for Japanese since they take pride in their stuff) so they did not wait for the outside to become firmer before serving – As you can see in the photo above, the ball broke apart just as I tried to hold it up.

They were literally like old people’s ballsacks where it sagged too much and were unable to keep shape. However, I really loved Kukuru’s octopus bits. They were fresh and cooked to perfection.

Hence, I believe perhaps Japanese love to eat their tako balls with the texture of an 80 year old man’s ballsacks. Our preference just differs. But all’s good. Yum.

 

FUUUUUUUUUGGGGUUUU no gooooooo

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Another thing to try in OSAKA which can also be found in Dotonburi, is this Fugu, Pufferfish. I did not try it, not because I am afraid of dying (You need a license to prepare em) But because it pained me to see the cute little spikey boys in the small little tanks awaiting their fate 😦

 

Two places worth a visit:

 

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS JAPAN

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No photos needed for you I guess. It’s a must-visit for everyone. May I just advise, you will definitely need the express pass. You can buy it from Klook just like everyone. If you don’t buy it, don’t bother going because I queued 1.8 hours for the stupid minions children ride, and this was OFF-PEAK SEASON.

The scariest rides: Hollywood dream, (They have the GOSTAN version) and Flying dinosaur. Don’t worry. Just scream until your lungs collapse. You will make it out alive.

And may I also advise, please read your Klook terms and conditions properly because the express pass has FIXED timings that you must adhere to in order to use the “Cut queue service”.

https://www.klook.com/en-SG/activity/5211-usj-express-pass-7-osaka/

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Sakuya Lumina Night Walk at Osaka Castle 

 

I am not usually one for walks in the winter cold, nor one who likes to be close to grass. (Not sure if my human readers know but I have an irrational fear of grass) However, I bought this entrance ticket on Klook and I was pleasantly surprised.

I know it kinda sound like I am advertising Klook, but ya’ll know, I really had no idea what to do in OSAKA since it was like my 5th time there. Thus I found this walk which is similar to the Rainforest Lumina we have in Singapore. I didn’t go for the SG one because I heard it was hot, stuffy and crowded af.

The one in OSAKA is so fucking amazing. The photos and videos don’t do justice. I swear its beautiful and trippy and calming at the same time. Fucking oxymoron.

So basically you are on a trip (in JAPANESE) to help a girl from da future get home to her mama or Ahma, whichever.

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You can scan the QR to play some game.

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I am not very sure if your kids will love it because some children seemed pretty restless but I enjoyed every minute of it. The music makes you feel as if you have transcended to heaven or some shit.

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So basically after you have “Helped” the girl on her quest, there’s a special treat for you. WELL, YOU PROBABLY HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU HELPED HER CUZ U DON’T UNDERSTAND SHIT THAT THEY ARE SAYING (But there’s English translation)

Not that it really matters because fuck yeah the lights are so gorgeous.

So you will end at OSAKA castle, but not inside la. Just the wall outside. 😀

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So theres this projection on the wall…. if you walk closer to examine they are flowers with your faces on em.

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YAAAAAAS ITS ME HAHAHAHA. Retarded.

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SG > JP AQUARIUM

 

I hate to sound like a dick, but I was very disappointed in the state of OSAKA’s aquarium. I do understand it could be due to wear and tear, but it shouldn’t be an excuse. I love the marine life and I love visiting aquariums.

I felt that Singapore’s SEA aquarium did a whopping great job. It was beautiful, user friendly, fishy friends there were well looked after and the admission price is reasonable.

It was on my Must visit list the last time I went to Osaka, but our itinerary was too packed. Unwilling to pass on the chance this time round, I found an offer on klook which gave free tickets to the aquarium with purchase of the USJ entrance tickets. Very worth it!!!

OSAKA AQUARIUM KAIYUKAN, JAPAN

 

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I hate that all the interiors of the fish tanks were bare. Like there was hardly any seaweed, coral, man-made decoration, or even things like sand, pebbles etc. The worst thing was. THERE WAS NO BACKGROUND PAPER. I mean, Nemo could look at the bleak, blue background and never find Dory again. BUT WHY? Why so low effort. The tanks all look like a literal swimming pool. The ground was… ground. like our human floors.

The fishes probably couldn’t care less about the background but why don’t they have some seaweed or corals? To feel more at home?

 

If you have a packed schedule, I suggest to give this place a miss. It’s definitely not worth dedicating half a day of your precious holiday to it.

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NARA PARK (again -__- )

 

If you think you love smelly, rude and slightly violent deers, then yay, Nara park is the place for you. Calling for all animal lovers, its a must visit. Easy to navigate from Osaka or kyoto.

Note: Do not go to Nara Park too late.

It was my second time visiting Nara Park and hence I was lazy. Reached there around 3pm.

THE DEERS WERE FUCKING FULL. You literally had to beg them to take your biscuit because they were so stuffed by the visitors who went earlier.

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TIP: If you want a beautiful selfie with the deer calm and facing the screen, ALWAYS APPROACH A RESTING DEER.

I see people trying to take photos with deers on the roads/on the prowl. They may butt you if you go too close cuz they are hungry and can’t be bothered to wait around and take a pic.

Do not disturb it too much or provoke it. Simply bend down, inch closer to let it know your presence. If it wants a biscuit, give it. If you offer and it turns away, it’s full. You may then go closer, pat it if you want.

I rubbed the one in the photo above. It was grumpy at first because it didn’t want anymore food but people keep trying to make it eat. I rubbed between its ears and it was happy (it was squinting eyes like that in the pic to show approval) Then I snapped as many pics as I wanted.

NOTE: Please take care of your kids. THE DEERS CAN REALLY BUTT YOU even if they have no horns, THEY WILL BITE your shirts etc.

 

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SOBA MAKING CLASS YUM YUM YUM!

 

I found this class on Airkitchen.

https://airkitchen.me/

You may choose your destination and they will show you who’s offering what class. Since I love eating soba noodles hence I chose it over the typical sushi/bento making. It costs about 55sgd per pax.

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The trainer was real friendly and understanding. We were 10 minutes late but he waited patiently in the cold and told us not to rush. He has been making soba for 5 years. He was real skillful and polite.

After you cut the noodles, he will ask you to go upstairs to wait. 10mins later, your own (pretty ugly) soba noodles is served. Its delicious af.

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You will then get a small gift and you get to take photos around his quaint little shop which is very traditional.

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Overall, it was a great experience and at least now I can ATTEMPT to make edible soba noodles at home. However, I just wish we could watch him cook the noodles. I couldn’t comprehend why we had to wait upstairs when he was preparing em. LOL

I would recommend taking up a cooking class like this if you love cooking just like me. It’s a good skill and it doesn’t take up much time. The entire class only took about 2.5hours including eating.

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NO ONSEN? NO PROBLEM.

If you have tattoos, don’t worry- Just make sure your homestay/hotel comes with a small tub. Most stays have em because Japanese people love their soaks.

SO DO I. Anyway, I stayed at this super small and cute lil apartment and their bath tub was literally a square. IT WAS A SQUARE meaning you sit cross legged. Sorry to those who are either toooooooo tall or slightly chubbier; It’s gonna be hard to fit HAHAHAHA.

And may I just remind you, DISNEYLAND TOKYO has this bath tub too. AND THE STAY THERE COSTS LIKE 260 SGD A NIGHT.

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EXTRA observations about the train platforms which I never noticed:

As yall know, I am a road idiot and Japan is so fucking huge and their train maps look like wriggly snakes to me. I always found it super tiring to take their trains but you know, peasants like us need to take train because the taxis are just IMPOSSIBLY costly.

So anyway yes only this time do I realize, that because there are so many train routes, the platform you are on may have more than one train passing by. And since you know everything is in Japanese, it is pretty hard to understand anything.

I REALIZED there are triangles and circles on the board (pic below) and the train that comes by WILL HAVE THE TRIANGLE OR CIRCLE that corresponds. (This is useful because ITS ALSO ON YOUR TICKET)

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And then THEY HAVE THE STICKERS on the ground directing you to placement in which the doors will open. As different trains have different lengths etc, they indicate the triangles and circles on the stickers

SO THAT YOU WOULDN’T BE STANDING AT A PLACE WHERE THE SPECIFIC TRAIN WOULDN’T HAVE A DOOR THERE FOR YOU HAHAHA.

In other words, its to save you trouble and embarrassment hahahahaha. (Note pic below has both triangle and circle. Some stickers only have 1 of each.)

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Total foolproof guide for a retard like me. I feel stupid like , OK SURE I know many of you realized that long ago BUT ITS A BREAKTHROUGH FOR ME, i don’t care what you wanna say. HAHA

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Lastly, if you plan to use their automated laundromat:

 

I had alot of winter wear and was lazy to bring em home. It’ll cause my mother inconvenience cuz knowing her, she will never allow me to wash em myself for fear I fuck up the washing machine.

You can find laundromats anywhere near homestay apartments. I am here to let you know the approx. price. It’s about 800 yen (10.50 sgd) for 14kg load (Two people’s 5 days worth of winter clothes excluding light winter jackets) 

The drying really kills you. It’s 100yen (1.30 sgd) PER 10 MINUTES

I spun my stupid clothes for like 90 mins AND SOME PARTS WEREN’T COMPLETELY DRY BUT I WAS TOO POOR TO CARE 😀

So bo hua but laziness…. and convenience, brooo.

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Something that will come in handy for your first Japan trip:

A easily reachable COIN POUCH. 

Because you will get alot of coins, and you also need ALOT of coins for all your train rides. Keep them within reach so you wouldn’t choke up the lines. People will grumble.

Also, no eating or drinking inside Family Mart itself. It’s not allowed (in OSAKA) and the store keeper will yell at you. Yes, speaking from experience.

I hope my post adds to the user friendliness of experiences never mentioned before in  travel blogs.

Good night everyone, and Happy Chinese new year. Keep your heads held up and your masks on tight. >: D

*humming* Sars is a virus… that we just want to minus……..

 

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Breaking Free

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I heard the scuttle it made as it scurried past me. I tried to bend my knees more, conscious of my naked body sitting bare against the cold hard steel. Images of roaches crawling into the victims’ warm orifices and then eating their way out flashes through my mind.

I shifted myself repeatedly, in a bid to chase it away. The roach finally gave me a break as it ran out from my cage, disappearing into a crack within the wall.

My chains dragged on the steel bars of the small containment I am trapped in. Tired, I rested my weary wrists on my tummy. The metal handcuffs bore the weight of the heavy chains, clanging, metal against metal with every move I make.

Then, I heard him. I could smell him. Creak…. And the door opens. The stench of stale cigarettes and cheap whiskey permeated the hot evening air, mingling with the foul muskiness of the room I was kidnapped in.

He could barely walk straight. Is there a chance to escape?? 

 

It’s hard to believe that merely a few hours ago, I was just another overly troubled teenager with zit problems and stupid puppy love. Between drugstore mascara and sharing clothes, I had been persuaded by my best friend, Chloe, to join the biggest Summer party down by the coast where they had “Endless alcohol in Solo cups and free drugs”.

A wrong turn somewhere and the next thing I know, here I am, in an abandoned and dingy shed and where my cries are drowned out by relentless traffic. If that’s any consolation, at least I am sure I am still in the city, and not whisked off to a jungle – I have Hastenburaphobia. A fear of grass.

Given how uptight Chloe is, I live through every second knowing that somewhere out there, She has probably alerted my family and there’s a search party out there looking for me. That’s the light at the end of this grim, gruesome tunnel.

The light bulb above us dangled precariously as he almost tripped over the wire.

He slammed his almost finished Whiskey bottle onto the table, shocking me out of my thoughts. I could see the beard stubs on his chin going up as he twisted his lips into a knowing grin. I know what that meant.

My nipples started to get erect as I stiffened and my heart blasted rapidly against my chest. It’s really a fucking strange thing as to why would my body even react this way to non consensual rape. I could feel my vagina with its silky liquid lubricating its insides and my nether lips.

He fumbled for the keys, ambling around haphazardly. The huge padlock dropped onto the dusty floor with a loud thud. The cage was open. With one full sweeping notion, he scooped me out of the metal box and pushed me onto the floor. My hands were fighting hard against the cuffs. I could see the rust around them. I was doing my best to wriggle my way out.

I was in the compromised position, as how he wanted it. My legs were spread open, so wide I could feel my vagina blush. He could not stop clicking his tongue, making sounds of excitement and lust upon the view in front of him. His belt then came undone as he got out of his pants and onto his knees. He was ready to fuck me.

He bent forward, wanting to feed on my breasts. His coarse palms felt as though they were scraping against my skin. I could see noticeable amount of dirt on them – Is that sand? Are we close to the beach? 

Wriggle. Wriggle. I frantically fought the cuffs.

His stubby chin raked up a tender sore as he moved gingerly across my chest, lapping up the softness of my twin peaks like a cat. His tongue lashed around hungrily as he let out groans of frenzied pleasure. He grabbed onto my breasts so hard, and jiggled them to relish at my whimpered cries.

I wanted to resist him so bad, but it felt so good. My nipples were begging to be sucked on. Harder and harder, I wriggled my wrists against the cuffs. That was my brain’s only attempt at fighting this tantamount high building inside me. My body was no longer governed by my mind. Juices were seeping out from between my legs. My pussy was begging to be fucked.

With one hand and fondling my breasts, he plunged his fingers deep within my awaiting crevice. I moaned uncontrollably in a state of ecstasy that I could not deny. He was working hard against my g-spot and I could feel my vagina spewing liquid like waves that would make surfers proud.

Wriggle.. wriggle. I was subconsciously tugging at the cuffs whilst my body worked its way with his fingers to a towering orgasm. “AHHHHH!” I shrieked, my voice penetrating the otherwise stale environment. The climax peaked as I began to squirt. My legs started to tremble as my tiny frame was at the brink of collapse, as though unable to house an ejaculation that big.

Juices were everywhere as I squirted all over his shirt. He then took his Abercombie & Fitch T shirt off. “You fukin nasty whore”. He grinned.

Wait. A & F T shirt? Why is that so familiar? My brain tried its best to whiz to life, fighting the fervor that was still gushing through my body.

I could see his cock, standing so hard with the veins snaking all over it. I felt my legs spreading wider. I wanted him to fuck me so badly.

Is this some sort of a twisted Stockholm syndrome? Or am I really just a fucking slut as he coined I was?

With that, he rammed hard into me. It was almost like a kick start on an AED. My moans bounced off the walls before they were gradually drowned out by the ambient noises. It felt so good it was as though I could not breathe. He grabbed at my breasts as he rocked me harder and harder.

His face always seemed fuzzy before. As though from a dream. I furrowed my brows, amid my cries, trying to focus on his face. Trying to connect the dots.

Wriggle.. Wriggle Wriggle.  I tugged harder at the cuffs. I am so close to breaking free!

He pounded me harder, as though too caught up in the lewd delight that he was oblivious to my escape plan. My body jerked so hard, my breasts were flinging wildly in the air, nipples tender and needing to be abused.

“I am going to come soon, baby”. He groaned. His orgasm was close.

Wait. BABY???????? 

No time to think. This was my chance to escape. I just had to fight the pleasure that has latched itself onto me like a parasite. I willed my brain to think.

My hands started to be compliant as I gave the tug all I got against the rusty cuffs.

“CRACK”. The cuffs! They fell off!!! 

I stared at my hands. They were free. My brain was hauling into overdrive.

I was free???? Everything in my vision started to change.

“Aiden???” My eyes finally focused, as I zoomed in on my perpetrator’s face. He was still going at it, fucking me and grinning.

“Fuck yeah baby are you out of your high? Should have cut down on that fucking pill Lesly was dishing out.” Aiden was working up a sweat, and showed no signs of slowing down as I was still trying to put everything together.

I could feel his cock wedging itself snugly against my walls. With my free hands, I pinched at my nipples, scooping my breasts up with my palms. The lust builds up all over again, but this time, the run-down environment has melted away.

..

We were in a makeshift tent set up at the beach party. The cuffs were merely imaginary – It was a mechanism devised by my brain, a battle between the drug’s manipulation and my conscious.

I am the victor.

The effects is now no longer something I fight to subjugate. I could feel my brain giving me a little high five. It can now rest and flow with the euphoria it was trying so hard to control.

I threw my head back and pulled Aiden in close, now fully reveling in the high. “Come for me babe.” I whispered to him, shifting my body to fully envelope his shaft. Aiden grinned again, hands on my hips and shook me up in a hot, violent embrace. I could feel myself ready to squirt again.

The mind… is a powerful thing. 

 

inspired by Chambers. (Netflix)

Rejuran 2nd visit + Nose threadlift.

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Hello there lovelies, it’s been awhile.

Was so preoccupied with setting up my exclusive telegram group and making sure everything is on track. Things are getting along fine now so here I am again on my writings. Please do drop me an email if you are keen on joining the paid telegroup.

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BACK ON TRACK ~ 

I have just done my second treatment of REJURAN, as some of you beauty lovers may know- been wanting to try that out since last year and I only managed to do the 2nd treatment late last month.

NOTE: SLIGHTLY DISTURBING PICS/GIFS if you have phobia of needles.

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Just to jog the memory for those of you who are interested in getting this treatment, that you are required to do it in this sequence:

You need 3-4 treatments per month for the first 4 months. After which, you will only need 1 maintenance visit between the next 6-9 months and thereafter.

I do actually personally recommend this for the matured ladies. I think that’s when you can feel the maximum effectiveness of this treatment.

I also did a nose threadlift together with my rejuran, because why not right? I done it under Ryan as well (from the same clinic I am featuring here) before and I really love the results because its so natural and beautiful. I received comments from followers that I shouldn’t be doing the threadlift because my nose is already nice and sharp but I personally felt that the threadlift helped me make it look just alittle slimmer and perkier, and the best is that

Your nose structure permanently adheres to this shape as time goes by.

Meaning even if you don’t go for the annual touch-ups anymore, it will always maintain the shape. Which is awesome! And I love that it isn’t a permanent nose job. The kind where you need to worry if someone punches you in the face.

So let’s begin our journey –

 

PARDON MY UGLY PHOTOS LMAO. So, I am in the holding room where the nurse will apply the numbing gel onto my face.

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You then go into the waiting room to lounge and wait for the gel to take effect. The staff here are so friendly it always makes me feel like I am at home.

I literally just slept there. On the couch HAHAHA.

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The wait is about 30-40mins depending on your absorption and HOW MUCH OF A PUSSY ARE YOU.

OKAY ITS TIMEEEEE

 

ITEMS FOR REJURAN + NOSE THREADLIFT BOTH.

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Since the nose threadlift is going to require more numbness, Ryan applied the anesthetic syringes onto my nose first. I’m telling you this pain is so unreal.

PAIN METER: 3.5/5
GAOWEI-NESS: 4/5

 

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Once the injections are set, the Rejuran injections commences.

REJURAN HEALER, NO 2 VISIT

 

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As mentioned in my first rejuran post, they have that handy dildo/vibrator thing to distract you while the doc pierces your fucking face multiple times. It’s really quite effective lol. However you will still feel the sting. After awhile, you just get used to the pain.

USED TO, not NUMB. you will still feel it and cringe internally every single time.

This entire process probably takes less than 5 minutes. And ta dah!!! You will soon have fish DNA coursing through ur face, trying to make you turn from a 5/10 to a 10/10 babe. HAHAHAHA.

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STILL ALIVE. 

The rejuran healer at this clinic is on promotion now, you can get it at 388$ excl.gst for the first time trial. Go book an appointment now or call if you are interested to know more.

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NOTE, this is not an advertisement for the clinic!

I just really like what service I have been getting, and 388$ is way below the market price for such a 5 star clinic that I decided to blog about it. 

 

NOSE THREAD LIFT

My favorite guilty indulgence of all time – Because I never liked my nose even though yes its already quite nice on its own. I just really am obsessed with the sharpness and defined outline of the Caucasians – especially Russian girls. They hella hot.

 

Your nose should already be numb by now. Syringe anesthesia is freaking strong and fast. Nurse will pad up your eyes so you will not be tempted to get cock-eyed from looking at your own nose. And also because it’s fucking scary.

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Ryan then begins with making a hole in the center of the nose – That’s where the threads are going to be inserted into.
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I am actually having goosebumps right now looking at the gif LOL FUCK. So after the threads are inserted, (U WILL NOT FEEL ANYTHING other than pressure, because of the numbness)

Thank the great heavens. And thus, the number of threads inserted also depends on how “Jialat” your nose is or if you wanna end up looking like a Plastic doll from korea then hell yeah, insert 1000 threads.

I only got a few because I do not require that many to achieve a nice look.

Lastly, Ryan will press press your nose as if its PLAY-DOH and try to shape it up to look higher and more defined.

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10 mins – and you are done. It’s no wonder they call this threadlift the “Lunch-time Nose job” LOL. You can still make it in time to grab a subway before heading back to work. Science is motherfucking amazing.

 

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Remove the pads, and you good to go GIRL.

You will definitely bruise, but the bruising is up to individuals. Ryan is really amazing and I don’t have much of a bruise on my 2nd and 3rd threadlift. (This is my 3rd).

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LOOK AT THAT BRIDGE. I CAN NOW CONNECT AMERICA TO INDONESIA ON MY NOSE. 

 

REJURAN RECOVERY

Pro tip: Do a mask over a few consecutive days while your pores are raw and open from the multiple injections. This way, all the guuuud stuff goes in easily.

I used SK II clear lotion and the overpriced SK II Mask on the first night, and DR MORITA on the subsequent nights.

 

Day 2:

 

Can you see that my face is actually glowing? It’s not oil. It’s matt and bouncy.

Day 5:

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Notice the wound on the nose tip has healed and waiting to scab and fall off. My skin is still glowing. But I think its the effect of the SK II Mask as well.

 

Day 9:

 

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The wounds are all healed and look at the fucking quality of my skin after my first wash in the morning.

Please note all these healing photos are taken on my iPhone without filters. 

 

2 weeks:

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Other than my eye bags, My skin is really immaculate. I have several pits on my cheeks due to a bad acne outbreak during my younger years. But I could see visible change on the overall texture of my face. The glow is still there, and I think its the slow build up of the rejuran’s effect.

 

3 weeks:

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Sorry, my eye bags are crazy because I have been lacking sleep due to work. HAHAHA. But yes. I am extremely happy about the results of the Rejuran.

I recommend this for people who have dull and yellow skin like me with ageing problems. I am an old auntie liao… hehe.

With filter. IM TELLING YA, SNOW APP is absolut-fucking-amazing. And can you see my god damn nose bridge. HAHAHA.

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Save your money girls, THIS IS DEFINITELY WORTH IT. Feel free to email me if you have additional questions regarding either of the treatments.

TCS Aesthetics Central Clinic,
8 Eu Tong Sen Street, The Central Office One, #11-90
Singapore 059818

Phone: (+65) 6221 8221

The friendly staff 😀
So shy to take a pic but i kinda forced them LMAO.

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Will update another post this week, a short erotic prose for my cheeky followers.

My honest Japan trip review

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WHEN

people talk about Japan and their vacations there, it’s always the same old cliche thing – “Oh, Japan is SO beautiful! The people are so polite and everything is so tasty!”

and they start showing you their Sakura blossoms photos on facebook. ^CUE Look at mine its so picturesque and I look like I am having fun.

THE TRUTH?

I am not the Majority of these people.

And I am writing this post for whoever may join me as the minority and have not been to Japan yet. If you are someone who is getting old and tired, who jaywalks, hated your school rules, is an international foodie, is a road idiot who can’t walk from Bangkit to Panjang, like to go Bangkok to sleep till 12pm with no itinerary in mind, and most importantly, IF YOU hate people who smile and live their lives like a small leaf struggling to keep calm on the placid facade of societal laws set by their country, yet inside them are a boiling hot mess kept rampant by their jaded mindsets, 

READ THIS POST BEFORE YOU GO JAPAN! It’s a guide for us Minorities –

The background story: We did a 12 day trip from Tokyo to Kyoto, to Osaka, and then back to Tokyo to catch the flight back to Singapore.

We went on 2-13 APRIL. 
WEATHER: CHILLY BUT HOT. (Start of cherry blossoms)

I spent the least among my friends (AND IM A GIRL HELLOOO) – People be telling you they spent 5000 sgd like what the fuck. 

1700 SGD

That’s what I spent for the entire trip, excluding plane ticket and hotel, inclusive of PRESENTS for family and friends. 

so if you are looking to scrimp like me, continue reading.

 

1. ALWAYS BRING YOUR WATER BOTTLE.

Japan’s air is super dry – Like 100 year old virgin kind of dry. You will start developing cold sores and start peeling on your face. If you want to be money-wise, bring your water bottle because many train stations in Japan comes equipped with a water cooler.

Also, Japan has potable water everywhere. EVERY. WHERE.

I am not sure why my sister still insists on boiling her water cuz POTABLE. HELLO. MEANS DRINKABLE. I refilled my bottle at their toilets – LOOK! I am still alive. Really, once you have been to Russia and consumed their water there, anywhere with “Potable” water is godsend.

 

2. THE RIGHT ATTIRE.

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As mentioned, the weather there is crazier than a Gemini. It’s cold – chilly, like a range of 2 – 17 degrees BUT THE SUN? MOTHERFUCKING BURN YOU LIKE A PRICK.

So, hot and cold. Boys be like “Used to it cuz mah girlfriend does it every day. ” YALL. If you are going to Disneyland/sea Tokyo, its near the sea and the scientist in me is reminding you guys that winds are stronger by the sea.

If you want to thoroughly enjoy yourselves at the kiddy place please wear a good windbreaker and cover up. Because the wind there is no joke. Back in Tokyo city, it’s fine. It ain’t that cold but you shiver when the wind blows.

Kyoto is slightly cooler, but the sun is all the same fucking radiance. You may bring an umbrella like China tourists, but my suggestion is:

NO HEAT-TECH (OR INNERWEAR). 
YES TO STOCKINGS & Knee-length skirts (For females). 
LONG PANTS (For guys)
 SUNBLOCK. Lots of it. 
A Good jacket that is effective at wind-breaking but light enough to maintain airy when the sun is heating you up like a fried egg. 

It’s not just the sun that will make you heat up like a Tefal frying pan –
ITS THEIR TRAINS.

Remember, you are gonna travel alot by train. Japanese people like to be “warm and toasty” so their trains literally have no air ventilation nor any kind of wind. It’s super hot and stuffy. The kind that you won’t be able to breathe much if you are wearing Heat-tech or scarves.

So you need a super versatile outfit + Jacket that enables you to be both warm and toasty when wind blows, but not asphyxiating and perspiring when in their restaurants or trains.

 

3. KNOW YOUR TRAIN MAP.

Japan is one hour faster than Singapore’s time. For maths idiot, if now is 9 am in Singapore, its 10 am in Japan.

Image result for train map of tokyo

 

I got this map from a website saying “EASY GUIDE TO TRAINS IN TOKYO”

EASY.

EASYY.

THERE ARE MANY LINES AND TRAIN COMPANIES. I know Singapore only got MRT and LRT but ya. So good luck to you.

We wake up every day at around 8am and go to bed at 11pm. (That’s 7am in Sg BUT ONLY 10 PM IN SG – WHICH WEAKLING SLEEPS AT 10 PM?)

But my eyebags got darker and bigger as though its hatching a joey inside. So why?

You feel tired from travelling all day, and you don’t even know it until you are back in your super fucking tiny hotel soaking and crying for your poor legs in the teenie weenie bath tub. Because of your jam-packed itinerary, you travel on the train alot and you do get to sit on the trains.

SO WHY SO TIRED?

Because walking from one Line to another? It literally kills you. Think walking from Raffles MRT station through city link to Suntec city mall – 10 times a day. This is excluding you walking to and fro your places of interest. And if you go visit theme parks, WHO THE FUCK SITS DOWN?

The train rides aren’t cheap. A day of travelling usually costs us between 8 – 12 SGD. I bet you are going to start appreciating Ez-links now. People say “Buy JR pass la” Got so many different companies, you buy the JR Pass – but… how often you using JR train? PLAN AND CALCULATE FIRST!

We bought the Osaka day pass which includes 2 full days of unlimited train rides and some free and some discounted attractions.

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https://www.kkday.com/en-sg/product/3247?cid=2636&ud1=English_sg&ud2=jp_3247&gclid=CjwKCAjw_MnmBRAoEiwAPRRWW2oafjeE4pEMl7n3WLsLjEjgVF_IwJ7D6N5TJ0L8SkeaqsbFNyO8DBoCImkQAvD_BwE

Something like that. But we got ours from Changi Recommends.

But that was for the last two days and I’m telling you… C and I were all wrapped up in our rooms sleeping for the last two days, unable to utilize the pass because we were too drained and too tired.

 

4. AVOID 4.30 – 7.30 pm at subways

I hate people and I wished Thanos snapped his fingers (Even if I disappeared then fuck yeah insurance for my parents). The train stations at this timing…..

It’s not that you cannot handle the crowd, its they cannot handle you.

If you are like me and you feel the Singapore’s CBD area have a lot of cold unfeeling businessmen rushing around, trust me, Japan’s one is x1000 worse. The people absolutely hate tourists (But they know their economy atm cannot survive without tourism) but their “polite” nature forces them to just live with it.

So what do you get? They push and they “Tsk” you (YES THEY DO THAT) when you get in their way.

DO NOT BLOCK THEM.

IF YOU ARE TRAVELLING IN A GROUP, SPLIT UP AND WALK IN AN ORDERLY MANNER

DO NOT SUDDENLY STOP BECAUSE ONE OF THE MRT SHOPS SELLING KAWAII STUFF
(If you stop, your whole group stops with you, causing a traffic jam)

DO NOT USE ESCALATOR WRONGLY.
(Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto has different Keep left or Keep right if you not moving policy.)

Do not start a fight just because they scold you or they give u a fuck face. Trust me I was literally screaming inside. CUZ their fuck faces, really 10000x more fucked up than our 369 “U STARE SIMI” gang-fight starter face. 

 

5. Their food tastes the same after awhile.

People who travel a lot, especially cabin crew or jet-setting businessmen will tell you that out of all the airports they’ve been, Singapore’s one is unbeatable. And most importantly, that Malaysia and Singapore’s food is incomparable. (See, I do not say which of our nations’ is better. Don’t fight la)

Our nasi lemak, Hokkien mee, Chicken rice, hor fun, whatever fuck you want. Cai fan, meepok, want angmoh one also have, indian, malay, even turkish, japanese, Nyonya, Portuguese, Mexican

Really – I started craving for chicken rice on day 3.
COME ON. I miss Chicken rice every single fucking time I flew as a crew last time. We all have that one local dish you will miss like crazy – Time to find out yours!

So let’s see, what does Japan have. I can say it in one quick breath –

Udon, Curry rice, Sushi, Soba, BBQ beef, katsu don, ramen.

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Repeat x 100000. The food is fucking delicious no doubt. But I cannot imagine eating all these for 3 meals a day non-stop 12 days.

Anyway, since yall gonna be in city/touristy areas, the meals are about 6 – 20 dollars per meal.

How i spend so little? I eat udon w. wakame (seaweed) only. And that’s already 7$ at the train station.

Japanese cooking culture emphasizes a lot on UMAMI.

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This is the 5th taste alongside sweet, sour, bitter, salty. This is the essence from mainly cooked meats and broths.

You can taste a lot of this in their cooking, but a lot of Japanese food has a sweet after taste. And also, prepare lots of water, you will feel thirsty after eating.

 

6. SORRY NON-HALAL BUT, TRY THEIR MACDONALDS SAUSAGE.

Breakfast – Sausage muffin with egg. Their MACDONALDS is fucking fantastic. The muffins are soft as fuck like a woman’s bosom. The sausage?

REMEMBER IKEA MEATBALLS? Why Singapore’s one tastes better than Malaysia’s? (Sorry Malaysians but this one we win)

Because our meatballs (non-halal) ones contains pork. Malaysians Ikea do not have a choice. ALL HALAL. (Want to laugh but I’m not racist)

Japan’s sausage contains pork. It’s so fucking tasty you sure be letting yourself down if you don’t try it. I cannot tell you enough of how tasty pork is because soon vegans will come after me too.

 

7. NATTO? NA-TO (not to) my taste.

 

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See the pink pink thing surrounding the yolk? That’s Natto. Its fermented beans of some sort (And yes La Pi Xiao Xin eats it)

We tried it and we almost died. Definitely, if you do not like fermented stuff and you die from the smell of Smelly tofu in Taiwan

STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM NATTO.

It has a super strong after taste that lingers in your mouth longer than a shot full of semen from your boyfriend.

Sorry – this comparison is necessary albeit being gross because that’s how fucked up Natto is.

C’s face after eating Natto:

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Real time capture.

 

8. DO NOT GIVE JAPANESE PEOPLE MORE THAN 1 QUESTION OR INSTRUCTION.

This is not to mock them or anything. Most of them cannot speak good English. Like you’d probably find 1 out of 1000 that can speak fluently and 1 out of 100 that can point point gesture gesture with simple words and 1 out of 50 that can play charades with you.

All of their staff are trained to be very polite, but….

Please do not be in the queue (ESP 7-11) , then when your turn at the cashier, your friend wants to “tompang” and combines his items with yours. The staff for some reason will get a bug in their system and will be unable to function. They start to speak to you rudely and keep gesturing asking your friend to fuck off from the queue.

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Actually it isn’t that we want to do that on purpose but the stuff in 7-11 is so tasty and we want to lug alot home but our small hands are small af and there ain’t a basket so we group up to pay. ALSO CANNOT.

Their minds are not programmed to work out of the box. 1 person, 1 queue, 1 person’s items only.

I was with C at 7-11 when I was ready to pay. I did not have 100 yen coin, so I asked him to give me the coin. His hands were full so he put his items on the table looking for the coin.

The Staff at the cashier immediately malfunctioned and thought he was going to “tompang” payment with me. She immediately shouted at him and kept repeating “NO NO NO NO NO NO” and gave me back all my change in coins, ignoring the fact that I had told her “Wait please, 100 yen coin from my friend”.

I wanted to breakdown and throw the cash register on the floor. I get that some Chinese tourists or even Singaporean tourists may have bulked up a lot of bad rep. But it’s kind of unfair that your brains do not choose to develop some logic and simply stereotype us all together and give us shitty attitudes that not all of us deserve. 

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When the Japanese is giving you an instruction, such as

“This is the green car. Please exit. “(Green Cars in trains are like VIP carriages for selected passengers with the green card only)”

Please do not shun bian ask them “Ok ok we will leave, by the way where is the toilet?”

The staff will not entertain your question. She will pretend she did not hear it and keeps gesturing and repeating “Please leave, please leave, please leave” until all of you fuck off from the Green Car.

After you have fucked off, then you can repeat your question again. Suddenly, the bug clears and her mind is un-jammed and the smile returns to her face. She can then answer your question politely.

Sometimes I wonder if they are robots.

 

9. HOLD YOUR LUGGAGE TIGHTLY FOR YOUR DEAR FUCKING LIFE WHEN IN THE TRAIN.

 

Do you know why? Because Japanese people will scold you and judge you if your luggage just MOVES A SLIGHT OR MERE BIT.

We had to take a lot of trains as we transited between the hotels.
Thus you can rest assure this Number 9 rule? ACCURATE AS FUCK.

Personal experience: I was holding on to both of my luggage when my phone suddenly dropped on the floor. As a reflex action, I let go of my small cabin luggage to retrieve the phone.

The train jerked suddenly, and my luggage rolled SUPER GENTLY to a woman nearby, and kissed her thigh. I swear upon my grandfather’s grave and on Donald trump’s hair that it was SUPER SOFT AND DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING HURT.

Instead of doing what a normal person will do WHICH WAS TO HELP ME HOLD ONTO MY LUGGAGE, she glared at me. She didn’t move an inch to help. And then, she opened her mouth to scold me.

NON STOP.

I apologized profusely and retrieved my bag. She scolded non-stop in Japanese.

Sorry, not exaggerating here. But NON-STOP. She was still scolding past all the stops and until she disembarked.

  1. I APOLOGISED, STUPID WOMAN.

  2. IT WASN’T ON PURPOSE. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

  3. NO BODY DIED.

  4. YOU COULD HAVE SCOLDED ONCE AND STOPPED.

  5. BUT NO.

 

So yes, hold on to it. Even if you doze off. But then again, WHO THE FUCK WOULDN’T HOLD ON. Stop reminding us man. ( Trust me. A lot of  them will keep staring and the moment you lift your hand up to stretch or use phone, they will open their mouths)

In the end? I kiap mine with my strong legs. YEAH.

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10. PEOPLE EVERY WHERE.

 

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The shrines and what-nots are packed with so many people. You will see a lot of super pretty plates and bowls and  shits there (If you are old like me, you’d start appreciating furniture and crockery)

DO NOT BUY IT THERE. Trust me. FIGHT THE TEMPTATION. You can find the same shit at those value dollar tax-free shops or even in some random shops at the MRT stations at a way lower price. Especially the chopsticks and bowls dude.

You want to get a good shot where the “coast is clear” of people? Go super early. Or you wait. wait and wait and wait and test your patience. And CLICK! when the crowd dies down for awhile.

 

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Yes we were very patient because there isn’t anything else to do there except for spending money and eating.

 

11. CHERRY BLOSSOMS ARE EVERYWHERE.

 

Please don’t behave like a typical kongkam tourist and go camp or shake those cherry blossom trees where there are throngs of people. In fact, when it’s in season, the cherry blossoms are everywhere. By the drains, in front of schools, near houses, near toilets. Whatever.

All you need is a keen eye and creativity (which many people do not have) and most importantly, unorthodox methods (Which Japanese people do not have and do not condone obv) But please do not damage the trees! Don’t behave like the disgusting tourist that the Japanese and the rest of the world thinks you are.

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By the drain:

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Casual walk by the street: 

 

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(I remember there were too many tourists by some common spot and i was telling the rest why not walk down a few streets and TADAH! Whole fucking empty street to ourselves with an even nicer view – cherry blossoms by the small river.)

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Outside our hotel, in front of the school

 

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OUTSIDE A HOSPITAL LOL

 

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12. DO NOT BUY THE BENTO AT MRT STATION B4 TAKING SHINKANSEN

 

Chances are, you are definitely gonna take the Shinkansen which is the bullet train. It will cost you a kidney (Lesser than iphone but still) its about 140$ 

if you are suay like us and the dates clash and you can’t buy the shinkansen pass then buy individually, just cry.

But moving on. You’d be thinking “Omg I wanna be like a Japanese and eat bento” FUCK. NONE OF THE JAPANESE PPL I SAW ON BOARD THE BULLET TRAINS BOUGHT THAT. They all either tabao from elsewhere, or bought bread.

Guess why?

ITS FUCKING COLD AS ICE.

And, its around 12-15 dollars for your Princess Elsa ice embedded meal. Sure, it still tastes good. But I can hear my stomach crying out like “ITS SNOWING!”.

My suggestion? Tabao from 7-11! They heat up their meals for you and their fried chicken? Super fantastic. Alternatively, buy from Macdonalds or just be like a thrifty Japanese and eat bread.

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Make sure the Japanese behind you is not eating before you slowly and politely put your seat back and try to catch up on your rest. Good night.

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Can you see the fatigue on my face.

 

13. THINGS – MUST EAT. AT FAMILY MART.

 

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Famichiki

they have the crispy fried chicken, and it’s a must eat. Choose the most expensive one – I forgot whats the name. But its a whole tender juicy thigh.

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Their hashbrown.

So good. Can fight with Macdonalds. I DONT CARE what you say but Macdonald’s hashbrown 5/5. This one is 4/5.

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CREAM ROLL IN A FUCKING TRAY

Sorry I can’t remember if this is from FM or 7-11. But you have to try it for sure. It’s not easy to get because always sold out. You have to make sure you try the right one. It’s in a tray. There are small ones which are individually wrapped slices but this tray one is the best. The cream is super fragrant and fluffy. The roll is soft and moist. I r8 8/8 gr8 m8.

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INSTANT MISO SOUP.

Clams, seaweed, tofu, beancurd shits, you name it. That’s how I save money too. I drank one for breakfast daily. About a dollar.

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14. TRY A MATCHA CLASS AT KYOTO!

 

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I think its pointless to go to Japan and not take up a class like that to appreciate their beautiful culture and historical delights. We found this enchanting shop along the crowded streets in Kyoto’s touristy attraction, and the lovely manager in her immaculate kimono and grace really encapsulated all of Japan’s rich heritage. It’s unbecoming not to give them a mention –

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The Matcha appreciation class is at 24 SGD per person and its about 40 minutes in their quaint little tea room.

She speaks perfect English but shes super gentle and I felt like a bull in the china shop when fumbling around her.

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Shop’s entrance. They only recently came up with “Matcha shaved ice” because they “discovered” that tourists love shaved ice. hahaha. So adorable.

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She will explain to you all about the wonders of Matcha as well as how to properly prepare it. Being someone who isn’t a great fan of hipster stuff like Matcha waffles or Matcha cheesecake etc, I felt this was a truly enjoyable lesson as I really wanted to learn what was the proper and non hipster way of enjoying this green shit.

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And she says its only right to give credit to the Matcha tea farmer, and he is one of the few left in Japan who uses only ORGANIC methods to grow his leaves.

Sunning and sheltering the leaves at the right timings will determine the Umami of the tea leaves. Whoa chim stuff.

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Do visit them if you are free!

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I really wanted the whisk for all reasons but of course please control your temptations to buy all things quaint and cutesy. Else how to spend within budget?

CHASANRAKU

http://www.chasanraku.co.jp / +81 75 354 6533

You May email them at info@chasanraku.co.jp, the pretty manager is called Atsuko Suzuki. 

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That summarizes my Japan trip. Harsh, crude, but nonetheless honest.
That being said, I look forward to visiting the other parts of Japan. but none the wiser.
I HAVE LEARNT MY LESSON.

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My next post will be a short story. I guess, no one will disapprose?
sorry kill me for bad pun.

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