Tag Archives: relationship

Sorrow dues

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Hello readers. I have something that I want you guys to watch. I think the Chinese will be familiar with this song. Irregardless, for those who have not heard this song, give it a go.

Here is the English translation for my Non-chi readers 🙂

 

你停在了這條我們熟悉的街
You stopped in your tracks, on the street we are both familiar with.

把你準備好的台詞全念一遍
And read out the speech you have prepared in your head

我還在逞強 說著謊
I’m still putting on a front, I’m still lying.

也沒能力遮擋 你去的方向
However I have no means to stop you… from the direction you wish to go

至少分開的時候我落落大方
But I guess… at least I graciously let you go

我後來都會選擇繞過那條街
After which, I still choose to stop by that road

又多希望在另一條街能遇見
Wishing and hoping, that I could bump into you on the other street.

思念在逞強 不肯忘
My heart is unwilling to forget the memories

怪我沒能力跟隨 你去的方向
I blame myself for being so weak, failing to follow the path you went on.

若越愛越被動 越要落落大方
The more we love, the more gracious we have to me.

你還要我怎樣 要怎樣
What else do you want from me.. what else??

你突然來的短信就夠我悲傷
Your sudden Text to me was enough to break me.

我沒能力遺忘 你不用提醒我
Its impossible for me to forget. So there’s no need to remind me

哪怕結局就這樣
I guess this is the end.

我還能怎樣 能怎樣
What else do you want from me.. what else??

最後還不是落得情人的立場
In the end, I still got the role of a heartbroken lover.

你從來不會想 我何必這樣
You have never thought of why am I this way.

我慢慢的回到自己的生活圈
Gradually, I began to move on and get back to living.

也開始可以接觸新的人選
My heart slowly, accepted new candidates

愛你到最後 不痛不癢
I loved you, till the end, till it reached a neutral state. It doesnt hurt, I no longer crave.

留言在計較 誰愛過一場
We still exchanged texts, debating who was the one who really loved.

我剩下一張 沒後悔的模樣
The only expression on my face of which, is a stoic one, with no regrets.

你還要我怎樣 要怎樣
What else do you want from me.. what else??

你千萬不要在我婚禮的現場
I beg you please, don’t show up at my wedding.

我聽完你愛的歌 就上了車
I got in the car after listening to the song you love

愛過你很值得
It was worth loving you

我不要你怎樣 沒怎樣
I don’t want anything else from you. No need for anything.

我陪你走的路你不能忘
Just don’t forget the journeys we went on together

因為那是我 最快樂的時光
Because those, were the happiest times of my life.

後來我的生活還算理想
My life after you.. I guess is still quite alright

沒為你落到孤單的下場
At least I didn’t end up being lonely because of you.

有一天晚上 夢一場
I had a dream.. one night

你白髮蒼蒼 說帶我流浪
You had long, white hair, and you beckoned me to roam with you

我還是沒猶豫 就隨你去天堂
As like before, with no hesitation, I followed you….. to heaven.

不管能怎樣 我能陪你到天亮
Regardless…. of whatever… I can accompany you till daybreak.

 

For you literature idiots this song is about a man whose love of his life left him. But he felt that if you truly love someone, you have to let her go even if you don’t want to. He spent his entire life loving her, kept in his heart are memories of them, the happiest he ever had.

The woman still texts him randomly, to argue that she may have loved him more/or telling him she was the one who really loved. But she never really thought about it from his point of view.

He still held no regrets loving her, and kept this love until it no longer hurt, until it becomes no longer a wound, he simply just lived with it.

He begged her please don’t come around his wedding because he knows in his heart, it still belongs to her. Even until he became old, the last dream he had was her, the image of an old woman, with her hand out, asking him to follow her.

With no hesitation of course, he followed her to heaven. (Meaning he fucking died brah)
But can you imagine, even before he died, his last vision was still her.

He spent his whole life loving her, and died still loving her.
I just can’t. One of the youtube comments spoke exactly what I felt:

> 這心要受多少傷才能寫出的歌

It means, how hurt, how much pain did this heart endure to be able for the person to write such a song?

Its like you can feel the pain. because its so real, so relatable. And I doubt people who feel the same as me can listen to it without tearing up. But I literally burst into tears.
I hope you guys enjoy this emo nemo episode. I will return with a short prose inspired by this song. Let me know your thoughts about this song!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

heartbreaking notions

by

I don’t know where to start. The words simply clump up in my throat, like the withered leaves that clog around the drain during a sad, lonely day in fall. The night has finally arrived; the night where all notions of the breakup that we are facing shall be put to an end. I have to do it, don’t I?

I watched you while you were sleeping on the couch in the living room just now. It’s probably the 100000th time you told me not to wake you up so that we can sleep together on my bed. Our bed. Said because you find it a hassle to wake up just to shift back into the room when you have to wake by 6.30.

I stared for really long, mind you. I knelt down and ruffled your hair, took a sniff and a long, lovely gaze. You smell just the way I imagined, the familiar scent that envelops me when we cuddle. It reminds me of our love; the one we had a long long time ago until our problems outweighed it.

But… it’s going to be the first time I will obey that instruction that you gave. I will learn how not to be soft hearted again, how to not be so clingy; how to finally learn to get through a night where we lie so near, yet our hearts are miles apart.

There are many things I wanted you to know. However, right now, I can only wish that in the future, the thoughts will finally dawn upon you.

People always say its childish, to make a big deal out of who wins or loses in a relationship. But how is that childish? You’ve really defeated me hands down. Your bitter castigation, your passive aggression and all the moves that you have remotely outplayed me of. I guess, I am quite the loser, having gone down without a fight. I just allow myself to cry and mope over my own weakness. I actually fully embraced the gaping difference in our intelligence, the disparity of emotional detachment and then mock myself wryly.

What was that triumph card you held? The one that you held proudly over your head whilst we stood, divided, on the fragmented mounds of our broken relationship – It was simply the fact that you made everything seemed like it was my fault.

The best part; is the fact that I know you aren’t happy or anything. You are heartbreakingly sad. Probably just as sad as I am. It’s just that you simply had to do whatever you did to make yourself feel better about it. It’s almost as if you wanted to hurt me to ensure that I am hurting as much as you are.

I remember I tried to leave A alot of times. Until my friends were sick of me saying “Hey I swear i’m gonna leave him for good” and it never happens.

Why is this still happening? I realized I never actually matured in the sense of love. Am I a masochist? Right now I think there’s no denying it. Yes I guess I do fall into that pathetic stereotypical group of girls who simply love the pain.

Has it occurred to you that maybe I love you very fucking much for me to cry with burning humiliation in front of my sister, my friends and the public?

And in that 1 year 5 months of knowing me has it occurred to you that I do in fact love my pride alot, and I love you so fucking much that I allowed you to step on it like some shitty little cockroach fighting for life?

When I tugged at your arm, when my voice became so small because my eyes were choked with tears. When I ran out of ways to get across to you, to beg you to stop, when I started crying hysterically, kneeling on the floor, slamming my exasperated fists into the wall and onto the bed….

Has it occurred to you how much I love you?

We both know what the root of the problem is. – That we simply just don’t suit each other. But yes our hearts more than often enjoys disconnecting from our brains and in turn we act on the desires of our hearts.

I am sorry that I can’t be the kind of girl you want, the docile, feminine ideal wife material. A part of me is, but it’s not enough for you. You want me to be destitute of emotions, of my needs, of my wants, my hopes and dreams.

It’s kind of like a parasite. You want me to latch onto your dreams, your happiness, your well-being and derive my own lifeline from there.

Yes, you need a coffee; Honey let me get that for you right away. Are you hungry? Yes i will cook the noodles for you, in your style, your way. Sorry, did I put too much water? Please, finish the terrible noodles i cooked… I will do better next time. I am in the mood for sex, but oh you are tired, yes of course dear its normal for you to reject me, because I am not as attractive as the girls you look at on facebook. Oh wait what? I am napping but you are in the mood for sex. Yes of course honey, I will let you fuck me anytime you want to, because its a rare commodity. Even harder than getting a mythical bundle in dota2. Sorry, I know I look like a fucking gangster with the way I talk, so uncouth, unlike a girl. I am sorry that my conversations with my friends bore you. I see your phone is always on your hand whenever we are out. Yes I went out with a guy for dinner, because I stopped trying to make my life to revolve around you. Oh wait what do you mean you don’t remember the time where I made sure every appointment I had stops before 6.30 so that I can be at where you’d be after work? The waitress was so rude to me! But yes sorry baby I am just being a bitch when I tried to reason for better customer service. I should shut up and do my own reflections as to why she gave me bad service. Yes that guy likes me. I am sorry that I am such a whore, talking to him and all. I know its wrong for me to seek solace in other people when you left me crying for several nights. I am sorry I can get so horny just by someone speaking good english to me, and also, masturbating so much that the porn site is on my most frequented chrome tab. Oh you mean you are pretty sure I have been fucking around. Yes god damn I have been. Maybe that’s the reason why I still unabashedly ask you for sex. and crying after having been rejected by you. GOD. speaking of which yes you can’t stand my sarcasm nor my attitude. But why yes of course I can tolerate yours, after all you only show me attitude because I have done something extremely wrong, being the unreasonable slut that I am.

I guess I am indeed a very childish, very needy, and extremely whorish person. All I can say is, I really tried.

But I really can’t do it. I wonder about that every day. Does that make me a failure? A bad girlfriend? My emotions and my wants and needs have broken free and gone out of hand. My eyes are tired of being the most frequented emotional outlet. My hands are sore from the countless times I plummeted the various surfaces. And my heart…. is so so empty.

It doesn’t really matter what the world thinks, What I think. Most importantly, its what YOU think. I am shit-assed godforsaken kind of terrible in your eyes.

But I love you. I really do. And we both know that I love you enough to let you go.

I have to let you go. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be.

Just grit our teeth, let me be the one to finally set the ravages of our love on fire. We get through the notions… and we’ll survive.

And then you’ll be happier. So much happier.

And I will probably still love you through all of that.