It’s ok to be ok.

I know, its a tribute to possibly one of my most favorite Korean Drama of all time; It’s ok not to be ok

But today I am writing to tell myself (and quite possibly anyone reading who needs this rn) that, it’s ok to be ok. Like, average. Like, feeling useless and feeling like you have wasted your time and you know even if God gave you another 20 years to your lifespan you are never gonna become the next NFT millionaire.

The turning point of my life, it’s here.

Within the deep, somber crevice of a heart, fear crept up like unfurling pythons, wrestling with my sanity. I have seen so many people, some who walk in the shadow of others’ glory, for they are constantly making comparisons. Some are always posting photos of their new sports car and million dollar achievement on social media, Some are posting Memes. (Like me.) Some are still doing revenge cheating on their partners. Some just bought HDB for singles. But I am not one to judge others.

Because I am always judging myself. It’s easy to forget how to respect oneself when insecurities and uncertainties stunt your vision. I keep trying to become a better person and feeling like I did not. And I fall into a pattern of stress, drinking due to stress, stressed because drinking makes me feel useless…. its a cycle.

Today, I want to tell myself that, It’s ok.

At least I am still trying, and that I will keep trying until I see the change I want to be. And it’s ok to be average. I don’t know how to play pool. I cannot cycle to save my life. I suck at parallel parking. I don’t have what it takes to be an entrepreneur. I am not an influencer. I hate to be a hustler. There are lots of people talking shit about me because its easier to hate me than to understand me.

It’s ok.

Last night, a friend B was telling me she felt like she was a Jack of all trades, master of none. And she was the one who motivated me to write this post because that was exactly what I felt like my entire life. I sure as hell know a lot of shit, but am good at none of them to even generate a spark. No spark, no fireworks. Just the dreary darkness.

But I told her, “Do you know that there is a next sentence to it?” No, she answered.

Jack of all trades, master of none
But better than master of one.

(Yall doubting bitches go google it up, hahaha)

Today, I will tell myself it’s ok to be just average. I had plenty of fun in my early adult years, and I have had the luxury to visit many places and taste a lot of fine food. I have people who love me, friends who appreciate me. I had so much more than others. There are still others who have way more than me, but that’s ok. It’s ok because we all have the lives we have to lead.

It’s ok to feel lazy sometimes. It’s ok to go out and drink and feel like trash. It’s ok to wake up and let realization hit you like a truck “Oh my god I am still broke and unaccomplished.” It’s ok to have vices.

But most importantly we must always find the balance in every choice that we make, and happiness in every second of the way. And let go of those around you whom are the tendrils of your torment. It will hurt now, and sting for months, but, YOU are worth it.