Death is a reward.

I dreamed of him again, his fingers thrashing wildly in my clammed up vagina. My nipples were erect, not from pleasure, but from shame. His pot belly was sliding conveniently across my breasts, all the way up, till his penis found its way into my unwilling mouth, forcing my lips apart, the entire shaft went down my throat.

I grasped the sheets so tight, eyes clenched shut. A single, angry tear rolled down my cheek, disappearing down the snow white pillow without a trace. The room was silent, as though filled with a crowd of invisible, awkward spectators, all listening to the sound of me gagging.

He then fucked me, perspiration running down his temple. I laid still, my body stiffly rocking to his plunges. I wanted to throw up. I felt as though my ribs were buckling under his weight. I could smell his sweat and taste that overpowering stench of lust and greed. His penis stuck in like a sore entrapment.

“I will see you again. And I will fuck you harder. I own you, bitch.”

I left the room, my body felt like it was on fire. I wanted to throw my dirty self down a building. But all the inspiration quotes I read the day before acted like a guide, calming my frenzied mind, holding back my impulse… of death.

How can I die? I have to repay my parents for raising me. I have to make sure he won’t post up dirty stories of me, smearing my name with rancid bullshit even after I am stone cold in a casket.

I locked myself in my room, where I was supposed to feel the safest. I slapped myself over and over again. I deserved to be punished. For allowing a fat, disgusting mad man to degrade me this way. Desecrate my life, ripping it to shreds, until there’s no shadow to my own soul. I took out a whip and lashed out at my vagina. This disgusting piece of flesh that was raped and abused. I wanted so much, for it to be removed from my body.

The pain comforted me. I told myself this bitter punishment will relief me a tad bit from this horrible sin.  The physical treatment was like a weaponry pastor. I prayed to the rod for forgiveness.

I slammed my head against the wall, as if the memories could be knocked out from the impact.




With each stronger blow I dealt, the lesser I felt. I continued doing it until everything goes numb, my face red from the hard slaps, my lower body paralyzed from the lashes. I lie down on my bed, quivering, shaking, crying. Still, my soul chose not to dissipate. Still, my heart beats. My body wanted to live. I had to crawl through the brambles of life’s cruel, existing torment.

I realized by then, epiphany through sheer misery; that death… is a reward.

And I do not deserve it yet.

Drag your feet, trudge through the grime. Let dirt decorate your skin but never taint your soul. Breathe, like the world owes you. Cling on harder and harder like an adamant root in the eroded soil. Cling on to life.


Will marry for a pet lizard.


It has been 500000 years since I blogged. I apologize for that. Had been sum real crazy weeks so far. Here’s to many more blogposts ahead. I thank y’all for always being here reading my shit despite me being pretty non-existent.

I pray words don’t forsake me, I am repentant and i will blog more ok.

Been wanting to do this quick blog post on a really cute lil reptilian cafe in Bangkok, Pratunam area yeah boy cuz Im a fucking typical tourist.

Set inside Neon street, (Talad Neon Night market) It’s super near GLOW pratunam so you can’t miss it.


It’s right at the corner, so it’s easy to locate. You’ll see lil tortoises outside. The entire cafe is made out of containers.


You can buy “pets food” to feed the rabbits and tortoises outside. Pity you can’t put the hares vs torty to a race but they are cute as hell and will make your 30baht super worth it.



They have 1 beetle, 3 spiders, quite a few lizards, 1 frog, 4 noisy birds, some smelly porcupines and a lot of snakes.

If you are a reptile lover like me, you’d be thrilled to know the lizards are part of your guests at the tables.





Some lil hats for your scaly friends.


And yes, your tables are actually the snakes’ home. So you may enjoy looking at the snakes from your glass tables while chowing down on your waffles with icecream. Reasonable food – But DO order their coconut shake. Its fantastic.


You can also take out the snakes if you can’t just “LOOK, DONT TOUCH”. Because here, everything also can touch one. Except the staff.


Conquered my fear of spideys today by getting started with diz really friendly tarantula who did nothing but just stood still on my palm like a docile ornament.



Please visit this cute cafe’s facebook if you are interested to know more:

But No, I will not be going anywhere near Brown recluses or Goliath bird eaters or whatever shit.

NO spider.jpg




So yeah, I spent like 3k rm on this beautiful CM arcana costume. I really liked it and I felt it was money well spent despite abit of hiccups here and there. The material is awesome and every detail is intricate and accurate.

I think most importantly its super comfortable and I can wear it for the whole day. You know me, its practicability that comes first xD






Had a “fun and wild” night with Swifty from Signify, hailing from India. Signify represented India in PVP esports and pitted against teams like Team Secret, LGD and Fnatic.

The champion was claimed by Team secret.

I am open to cosplay shoots and event jobs, simply drop me a dm on instagram : valeisky
or email me at


BIGO smallo


My viewer took this unglam photo of me But i find it funny as hell HAHAHA.
Anyway if you guys would like to catch me stream on bigo, I stream for 50 hours a month on bigo with the ID: Valeisky

Will be posting again soon with some new pics and updates on my hair.
BY NEXT WEEK. I have made a death pact on this. YES REALLY.

Signing off with love (for now but not FOREVER),
Your old and fat Goddess Valeisky