I didn’t drown nor get eaten by sharks nor get stuck in the propeller wheel as some hater hoped for. I enjoyed every single moment of my diving trip to tioman. Holy camel, you guys need to add diving to your bucket list. ITS FREAKING AWESOME AND LIKE YOU GET TO SEE HOW FISHES ACTUALLY ARE LIKE BEFORE THEY END UP WITH GINGER AND SOY SAUCE ON YOUR TABLE.

but wait, before i start my long and naggy story; I need to fucking exclaim WHY MY DICK POST (the MAYFLY one) has so many views?!?!?/ All you freaking perverts come just to see the dick pic. holy shit. y’all naughty lil fucks.

diving 2

I took my diving course with LEEWAY (you can google it, quite legit ok). The price includes everything such as transport to tioman, diving lessons + license + food + lodging + gear rental.

The really cute (but rather cranky) mini bus took us to Mersing jetty. FRIDAY NIGHT CUSTOMS DAMN JAMMED OK JUST LETTING U KNOW ITS MADNESS. WAT IS AIR BRO. i couldn’t breathe when I was queuing to get through the automated gantry.

The mini bus made a pit stop at a random petrol kiosk to refuel. It kinda reminded me of the fun days with Z as he drove from KL to JB. I’ll wait in the car as he heads to the convenience store, coming back with tidbits for me.

diving 3

Ya sorry its a fucking cheesy pose but hell its 11pm I have insomnia. who the fuck cares.

diving 4 diving 5

We are at the jetty late at night, with no one else except for a grumpy cat and god damn cockroaches.

Finally, after a really scary cockroach made an appearance, our boat is here. The heroic man who saved me from the 6 legged horror had some leftover carcass juice on his slipper.

All of us walked to the pier. It was pitch black. We then boarded this extremely mini speedboat driven by this guy who looks like pudge. He’s the literal Asian pudge. I think he took up half of the maximum allowed weight. As our boat sped off in the speed of light but with no lights. it was really, truly, black, blacker than my face when I realized my fridge is empty. Images of us crashing like Titanic kept flooding my mind. I wondered how our pudge navigated so confidently.

diving 9

A funny shot of our dear Juehua hahaha.

That was taken when we boarded the larger fleet from the small speedboat. Its our actual dive boat that we will be using for all of our dives. Pretty cool!!!

I think some of the boatmen live on the boat.

diving 14 diving 13 diving 12

I got really excited when I saw all the air tanks neatly lined up, ready to be used.

diving 11

bunk beds! just like in those star cruises that gong gong used to take me on. hahahaha.

diving 10

We finally reached the lobby of Berjaya hotels and Resorts. It’s too late to see anything but like wtf at 2am in the night you see a freaking woman standing alone in the eerily quiet lobby. PONTIANAK OMG

diving 16

I don’t know who the hell will put a mannequin there but seriously that shit is no joke.

diving 17

But okay la the other side of the lobby looks pretty good. Has that woody nature feel. I really like it. It feels like a haven to relax in, get back in touch with Earth and forget about your bills.

diving 64

This beautiful picture was taken by Yama when we arrived. The night sky there is really beautiful. The stars were out. It felt like someone had dusted glitter all over the celestial skies, creating an accidental starry masterpiece.

My buddy (Shirley) and I bunked up with another trainee diver from another school. Hes in his early forties i think? And he wears nothing but an underwear to bed. its pretty cute. HAHA

diving 18

Some pictures of how our little huts look like. Its adorable. Quaint and cosy, has that back-to-basics feel that I really adore except that there’s grass.

diving 19 diving 20

Just imagine, they are still using the old fashioned door knocker. HAHAHAHA.

diving 21diving 23

diving 22

Pardon my unkempt and lackluster appearance. It’s kind of silly to put full make up and dive into 10 meters of saltwater. unless you’re telling me that nemo is a millionaire. Hell, I’ll even don high heels to visit him.

There’s this main foodhall where all the buffets (paid for in the package) are conducted. Man, it’s quite the spread, although it contains certain dubious looking malaysian-ish food.

diving 24 diving 25 diving 26

I know… I’m a freaking pig. I had another bowl of porridge after that. HAHA

Just wanted to show you guys a few more photos of the resort, Its really scenic and for us Singaporeans and city folks, its totally like a fresh new perspective.

diving 27 diving 28 diving 29 diving 30 diving 31 diving 32

Just looking at the clarity of the sea, its almost unbelievable that such a place is so affordable and pretty easy to get to. Look at the (is that a mountain..) It probably contains tigers and poisonous snakes but who cares it looks gorgeous from afar :’D

And yes… Yama enjoys being in most of my photos.

We were learning navigation… Look at that compass. Ain’t nobody got time to learn that shit. It took me awhile :”D as you all know, your goddess can’t do topography to save her life (literally) and that pretty much includes the innate ability to read a compass.

diving 33 diving 34

diving 35

Do i look like a technician… I think I do. I look like those fireman who’s on their break. yes, stop staring at Shirley’s boobs.

THIS IS LIKE A HORRENDOUSLY UGLY PHOTO OF ME BUT its the only one i’ve got that isn’t blurred as the boat is speeding D:

diving 37 diving 39 diving 40Yes that’s our dear hulk.

It’s a nice feeling to be on the dive boat. The span of sea lies generously sprawled in front of you with such vast serendipity. 
diving 41

diving 47

I can’t really describe how does it feel like to be staring at the open water. < >
But looking at that clear liquid, its so welcoming. It’s beckoning you to take a dip and let the therapeutic waves carry your thoughts far away. (hopefully it doesn’t carry you far away too)

You know whats the best feeling? Its when you are finning lying on your back against the water, staring up at the endless sky. Its such a serene stretch of picturesque delight that is just ineffable. The sky seem to run forever and ever, creating this thin line of a horizon that merges with the sparkling sea. I couldn’t hear anything, other than the boat buzzing along. But the beauty of what was in front of me was so deafening. I felt so utterly embraced by nature that I really wanted to protect it when I remembered how dangerous it can be, yet still rendered defenseless in the hands of us humankind.

So soppy literature aside, all of us entered the water via Giant Stride. I think it’s an adrenaline rush (and pretty scary) when you are all geared up and standing at the edge of the boat because all the thoughts of asphyxiation and great whites start flooding your mind. But really to hell with it. Nothing is scarier than a flying cockroach. PLOP and down we go!

diving 59 (1)

It’s amazing down there. (that’s what she said)

diving 48

SEE THE TURTLE. i did not take these photos. Most of them are from Yama, or Kelvin, our dive instructor. I DID NOT SEE THE TURTLE THERE AND THEN HOWEVER BECAUSE MY MASK HAD SOME PROBLEMS. Well well. 😥

YES THATS ME HAHAHAHAHA I look like a retard with the mask on.

diving 58

The sea is so quiet… actually it made sense. Imagine the marine life can talk. Dem fishes gon be like

“Omg, did you hear about Julie? I heard she slept with like, a grouper. Isn’t that illegal?”
“Pfft, Susan’s spots are so much prettier than mine. ”
“What’s for dinner hon? I gotta stay back at our reef with the other dads. It’s hide-n-reef game day tonight.”


Showing you some beautiful photos:

diving 49

Freaking sea urchins. they are everywhere.

diving 57


diving 56 diving 55

We found nemo and he doesn’t look too happy to see people peeking at him. I guess this wasn’t the one that acted in the movie. HA HA.

diving 54 diving 53 diving 52 diving 51 diving 50

I really liked the resort. Also because the food and service is not too shabby!

diving 44

diving 45

Just your average crazy guys eating half a tub of ice cream. I don’t know why the fuck they did that. but i dont think their stomachs are pleased with such a magnificent choice of ice cream explosion.

I was constantly hungry after dives, thank god for potato.

diving 42

So yes, that was the summary of my Tioman diving trip. I strongly urge you guys to go learn diving. You will definitely fall in love with the special world… 12 feet under the buzz of your every day life. My macau trip will be coming up soon :’D

Sorry for the long hiatus guys. Your goddess has been doing some serious travelling xD