Hello guys!

(25th Aug) I just took my second jab. And (I hope) same as everyone else, I have been really spending my lockdown days drinking lots of beer, MOSTLY due to the hot weather, and also because; I mean – Its lockdown right?!?!! Just get high and pass time!!!

I have been doing tabata (JORDAN YEOH MY MAN) once every two days, but since we are not allowed to exercise nor drink after jabbing, I was just thinking hmmmmmm welll…..

Don’t ask me why but my mf stupid ass thought WELL HEY, WHY NOT TRY TO EAT SALAD EVERY DAY FOR FUN? SEE IF U CAN BECOME A STICK #EAT CLEAN #ATTAIN ENLIGHTENMENT.

So, here we are.

I am here to record my dieting process.

If you can’t diet with me, at least.. read and DIE with me!!!!

Foreword: Not counting highschool and the two sad relationships I had that made me lose alot of weight, I have always been about 52-54kgs. And being in lockdown, despite the Mcdonalds suppers and beer, I was also hovering around 51-53kgs.

But here’s the thing – Last year, I had a super bad case of TONSILLITIS. I was on antibiotics for 5 days, and as you can imagine, I couldn’t eat, nor speak. I was about 53kgs then when I came down with it. At the end of 5 days, my weight dropped to 49kgs.

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So this photo was when I was about 47kgs. I looked super good in the photos, but not so much IRL. Everyone asked me if I had cancer. What the fuck.

OK. But, It’s always good to try new things right? So here we go!!!

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Day 1

Brunch: 2 eggs, scrambled. Sautéed mushrooms, plain broccoli. (eggs and mushrooms in just olive oil)

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Tea time: BOOST. (Vit c ensemble, consists of orange & ginger)

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Dinner: Salad. Dressing was > Olive oil, Lemon, salt & pepper. Some soup. 1 piece of chicken from a soup.

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Supper: 1 small bowl of herbal soup. 1 spoonful of chocolate cake.

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What I felt: I felt like I was going to die. I took the dinner at about 7pm, really devoured it. Felt hungry at 9pm. Stomach was growling and I felt slightly dizzy. If It wasn’t for the spoonful of chocolate cake I would have gone to the other side. I was that desperate to not think of food that I took my sleeping aid supplement earlier and went to bed by 11pm. (I usually sleep at around 2)

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Day 2

BF: Small bowl of cereal w full fat milk

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Lunch: 8 slices of sashimi, 5 strands of yuzu udon noodles.

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Tea time: Fruit punch flavored vitamin water

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Dinner: Salad w flaked salmon. Dressing was thai style > Fish sauce, some sugar, lime, olive oil, salt & pepper.

(THE REASON why i don’t have pic of this is because I was so fucking hungry i forgot to snap a photo)

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Supper: Greek yoghurt with healthy muesli.

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What I felt: I was sluggish the entire day. I wasn’t able to string my words properly and I constantly felt this supermassive blackhole of a stomach trying to devour my own innards. The only time I perked up and managed to talk with strength was meal time.

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Day 3

BF: Small bowl of cereal w milk

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Lunch: Salad w. Smoked salmon (3 pcs), and ham (1 pc)
>> My vicious dad cooked irresistible tempura prawns at this point. I WAS A FUCKING WEAKLING AND ATE 1.

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Dinner: Steamed Salmon w. broccoli and cherry tomatoes.

SORRY OMG I FORGOT THE PIC AGAIN

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What I felt: I was starting to feel like a kid locked out of Candyland and although I behaved normally and wasn’t in a bad mood or anything (I was still cheery) the feeling of emptiness in my stomach wouldn’t go away. It’s like I was full from the food, but the hunger plagues you again in about an hour after mealtime. I totally got how Edward Cullen felt when he told Bella his family of vampires don’t feed on human blood, but barely sustain themselves on animals.

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YES. I FELT LIKE THAT. It was a sad sad feeling… knowing you will never be fully satisfied… Knowing you are living every second not fully contented.

And let’s not forget, dear dad asked me to buy OCK curry puff during tea time for him. WALAO EH. I ALMOST; ALMOST!!!! Bought a spring roll for myself because FUCK DIET. But, good lord. I held back.

LIFE.

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I’M DYING.

SEND HELP.

IT’S 10pm. IM DYING. My stomach is trying to eat itself.

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Maybe I should just sleep. Bye

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Day 4

BF: Salad w. Smoked salmon (3 pieces) and ham (1 slice)

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Lunch: Greek yoghurt with muesli

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Tea time: Fruit punch flavored vitamin water

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Dinner: Broccoli salad with Salmon sashimi
>>> Took 5 pieces of abalone slices from my sister. Because.. why the fuck not right.

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What I felt: I was starting to doubt my very existence. I felt lighter, but at the same time my heart was heavier. (So melancholic bruh) I had no strength to lift the pan nor open the fridge door. The urge to purchase a large cheesy pizza on the way home just now was super strong. I literally had to stand outside Pizza Express fighting myself for 1 min.

IM TELLING YOU BRO I MAY HAVE NOTHING BUT I’VE GOT

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*Inserts manical laughter*

Seriously I have been waking early for the past few days ever since the diet. It’s like as though my stomach became a natural alarm clock and tried to make me wake up so I could feed. I am a sad, pathetic human loving vampire. May I also add, that my period started since Day 3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. It means I need more food. I need more nutrients. I am almost 3/4 in my grave. I am a flower wilting in autumn. My petals are bidding me a sorrowful goodbye.

At 9pm, I felt very dizzy. I couldn’t maintain my train of thoughts. I felt floaty like my fucking brain was on morphine. I couldn’t even complete my sentences in the middle of an argument.

After the dizzy spell, I did not feel the hunger pangs again. Not sure why. Maybe my body has switched to conservational mode and thought I am going through an apocalypse.

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Day 5

BF: Greek yoghurt w muesli

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Lunch: MY AHMA cooked so I definitely wouldn’t pass on this one. I had a small chunk of fried fish, some veg, and 1 big bowl of soup.

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Tea time: Red date with longan drink. No sugar.

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Dinner: Salad w smoked salmon bits

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Supper: IT WAS FRIDAY!!!! ALCOHOL ON FRIDAY!!! 3 Cans of beer. 330ml x 3.

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How I felt: I was starting to get used to the “healthy” food and eating lesser. Even for lunch, I was able to limit myself (Despite the delicious homecooked food in front of me) to be only 60% full. The trick I did was to kiap 1 strand of veg each time and chew many times on that one strand to trick myself to think I’m actually chewing on alot. Fucking pathetic.

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Day 6

BF: Half a bowl of cereal with milk. 3 mouthfuls of meepok (Dad bought despite me screaming loudly about dieting. Guess he’s worried about me dying in my sleep from starvation)

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Skipped lunch. Felt guilty about the beers the night before.

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Tea time: Small small bowl of salad greens with 2 small pieces of braised duck. 1 small glass of bird nest, low sugar.

>>My stomach was crying at this point. It was salivating for the duck rice I bought for YJ and tried to persuade me to reach for another slice of duck by flipping and churning but I fought the temptation. I barely dressed the salad. The scarce few drops of lemon & olive oil did not work in my favor. It tasted like freshly mown grass. :<

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4pm: My stomach is literally an orchestral of churns and epic growls.

BUT I WAIT.

It’s gonna be worth it.

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Dinner: MAC CRISPY. 1 drum, 1/2 a thigh. Few fries, and small bowl of salad.

CHEAAAAAAAAAAAT DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

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Day 7:

Brunch: 2eggs scrambled, boiled garlic sausage, and a small side of salad.

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Tea time: Half a cup of BOOST (Mango tango)

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Dinner: Small bowl of clear soup with veg, some stir fried veg and meat.

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Supper: Few sips of beer, small bowl of cereal with milk

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Day 8:

BF: Small bowl of Greek yoghurt with muesli & some honey. (I did not finish my meal)

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Lunch: Subway wrap, roasted chicken breast with honey mustard + add on ham

Luxurious af i know. hahahaha

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Tea time: Small bowl of broccoli soup

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Dinner: Salad AGAIN O.o

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EH HELLO MY WEIGHT WAS STILL THE SAME. AND I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. Looking back at this post as current date of writing, I wonder what demon possessed me.

THE WEEK AFTER…..

GOODBYE DIET. HAHAHA.

Spent 1 week revenge drinking but DON’T WORRY my stomach is unable to stomach (haha lame) binge eating so we are still good here comrades!!!

I decided to fuck it and just run la.

Running is good. But not if you are running away from something (like Sadako) Running for something is great (like charity marathon). Running with something is fantastic (like your dog). Running to something is… situational? (wouldn’t be good if you are running to the god damn toilet) BUT RUNNING?

JUST PLAIN OL RUNNING? At the FUCKING PCN with all the crazy enthu people and their airpods? Oh my god.

I don’t know where my determination came from. Probably stemmed from my mid life crisis.

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Anyway so update here:

Started running on the 3rd week, three times a week LOL I swear the smell of perspiration from the guys running there is enough to make my grandfather wake up from his coffin.

The worst thing? I cannot overtake them cuz I am a slow stupid fuck so I have to endure the stench all the way… jesus fucking christ.

(26th Aug) It’s the fourth week now :”) Woke up at 7.15am to think about my wretched life. Anyway, I am working on a collection of short stories, and I pray to the God of inspo to bless me through writing all of them. I am currently on the second story now and I really enjoyed the visuals in my head. Here’s the start of the story, let me know what you think.

I am intending to publish it as an online book for purchase, so if you look forward to supporting me please do let me know. Your encouragement will really help to spur me on!

It’s going to be Rated because there’ll be alot of sex.

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*TITLE HAS TO BE HIDDEN AS ITS A SURPRISE LMAO*

The palette was gold, amber and a creamy yellow. The leaves fell like quiet snow. There was a shy wind, and it too mourned. She placed the hydrangeas against the stone. The petals were pink like the flush on her tear-stricken cheeks, and purple, like the color of her brother’s lips.

There was nobody else on the mourning ground. As it always was, her entire life. But Julia had him before. She sighed a forlorn breath and turned to leave. The ground was wet with sorrow. Pitter patter. Her footsteps echoed the countless deaths, like a doorbell of the netherworld. One could not say she was a curse however, just unlucky.

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