Changing tides.

Hello peasants.

I am sorry for the lack of updates. I promise a great one will be coming by the end of this week. I thank you all for being here for me. I will be honest, I haven’t been in the best state. Being an avid reader of horoscope, for this Aquarian/ Picses you are facing, yes, I have been trying my best to regret nothing and live like I am ape shit. As cliche as it sounds, it’s fucking bullshit.

I am at the edge of the cliff, with no more resources left to burn. Everyone makes mistakes. And you will tell me “You are still young! Go out there and make some more! The more mistakes you make, the better person you will be.”

And the thing is I really do think that statement is true. However I also feel that all mistakes should be corrected and everyone deserves a second chance.

In all the failed relationships I have had, many of which whom’s hearts I have broken, some which had me utterly down the gutter; I can safely say I have matured over the years, but still…. making mistakes.

At this quarter life crisis mid-point right now, I look out of my living room’s window at 3am in the morning when everyone’s sleeping. Tears will stream down my face as I try to breathe in the soothing cold air. And then as I exhale, I will frown to myself saying “Amber, you need to be strong. You have been through sicker shit than this and you are fucking alive. Tomorrow when your eyes open, you will realize you are still here. The shit’s still there and ain’t going no where until you clean it.” (you can try telling urself that too. that shit really works.)

And then I will go back to my bed and force myself to lie still for hours like I am dead until day breaks. It’s almost ironic. Feigning death to face life again.

And so I will. I will get through this no matter how hard it is. I am already halfway there, I can feel it. Watch this spot. 🙂

I love you guys.

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