Rider, lover – careless whispers

(Watch this mv for best effects before reading)

“Phoenix.” She cooed. Sitting by lawn, Grandma sipped on her teacup, her frame was pensive, but eyes so soft and distant. I spotted a little tattoo on the nook near her elbow. A really… obscure place for such an ink, I would think. I took her arm gently, and eased the wrinkly creases. It was indeed a Phoenix. Or rather, a hap hazard looking black botch of ink with a triangle for a beak.

Mum told me Grandma spouts nonsense most of the time but I was pretty sure it was because in-laws will never get along with the mothers.

“This is a cool tattoo Grammy.” I sat on the weathered sun deck, head cozy-ed on her lap. My cellphone was confiscated by mum and there was nothing to do. Grandma was really nice and would tuck dollars “for icecream” into my sweater after I greet her.

“Everyone has cool tattoos, child. But this tattoo bore the greatest, yet saddest memory of my life.” She replied, voice quavering but with this tinge of nostalgia so firm, and so bitter.

“Tell me.” I sat upright, eyes peaking with inquisition.

Grandma sat her tea down and re arranged her shawl. What was meant to be a casual “Show some love to Grammy” became the next best 30 minutes of my life.

It was a cold autumn night, weekend’s rolled out and pubs were lit. Back in those days, money was short but lives were happy. There were gangs, yes – but you could say some of em chaps are way more honest than the president; I’d be damned, that was the kind of life we were living.

Me and the girls, Lizzy, Betty and Mindy were dressed to the nines. Talk of the town you would say. I was new to the place. Daddy’s got a new job and we dropped everything to pursue his dream. A couple of beers in and we’ve got things good. Mindy was flamboyantly coy around some men at the bar.

We were young you know – thinking enrapturing of a few men was top of the bucket list. But things started getting heavy, a young lad had his tongue down Betty’s throat and I was just sitting around, hand clutching my beer, a tad unsure what to do. Another man then walked up, beer in hand. From his gait, I knew that fellow was drunk to the heavens but who am I, just a young girl, feet rooted, heart thumping like a rabbit in the heat of spring, to start a fight and risk getting my face smashed in.

His damn hand snaked around me, breath coated with liquor. I tried shrugging, trying to maintain a smile but I knew he had me good. I looked around and my girls were all wasted, looking like puppies in love, men in their arms.

He started kissing my neck and I could feel the stubs of his gingerly done morning shave piercing my skin. I clutched that bottle so tight that my knuckles turned white. I tried to move my legs but he grabbed em. So hard.

And then came along another man, taller, stronger and boy was he looking fine. He had tattoos all over and I could tell from a glance, he belonged to somewhere bad. It was almost out of a British telly episode. He had his grip tightened like a vice around the drunk man, with his free hand, clutching his black jacket.

The drunk man fought him off, movements askew.

Everything went past in a blur. The next thing I knew, chairs were projectiles across the bar and glass was shattered. I froze, what’s a girl to do??? I then felt his warm and steady hand grabbing mine, guiding me out of the hell hole.

“Get on.” He waved, cautioning me to a bike. I obediently followed as we rode away. Lights and noise were soon left behind, until the only sound I heard was the beating of my heart and the grunts from his super bike.

He stopped by a drive through, and got me some tea – English breakfast to be exact. Mind you, I was never a tea person. Could never get past a day without a cup of good old long black.

“You feeling ok? Drink it. sobers you up and I guess. It’s great for this chilly night.” That was the first time I actually heard him talk, like a normal person. Before that he was all yelling and cursing. His voice was deep but calming.

I took a long glance at him, face illuminated by the street light.

He had taut, tanned skin and impeccable frame. Am pretty sure he got so shapely from the fights every night but speculations my dear, some are better left unasked. He had these romantic eyes that could make a girl go weak in her knees. I was sure he knew that.

“Thank you.” I replied, hands wrapped around the warm Styrofoam cup.

“For the tea?” He quipped, giving a cheeky grin which I tried not to fall for.

But I did, anyway.

I then studied his arms, eruditely. Not for the biceps – Ok, maybe. But more for the ink.

“What’s the story?” I pointed to his right.

“That’s a tribal code. It’s the mark of the family.” He replied. And I did not ask more.

I stretched my hand towards him, and traced the lines with my finger.

“It’s nice, actually.” I glanced up and caught him looking right back. The distance between our faces narrowed. I could feel blood gushing to my cheek and I held my breath.

“I have many more, if you are really keen on seeing them, maam.” He whispered.

I took a step back, embarrassed and unsure of what I got myself into.

“Come on up, I’ll send you home.” He chuckled and handed me his black jacket. The smirk on his face was cheeky, but genuine. The jacket was soft, and it bore a phoenix in embroidered threads. Oh my god what was I thinking. I shook my thoughts away as though in fear he could read em.

“Hang tight princess.” He pulled my arms around his waist, much to my shock. What audacity this man! But I did anyway. And his back comforted me more than I expected.

It felt like mere seconds, before I arrived. I wished it lasted longer- As soon as my feet touched the sidewalk right by my house, he sped off into the dead of the night.

I was still wearing his jacket. It had this faint smell of cologne and cigarettes. I hid the jacket in my closet, afraid my mother would chance upon it. It was taboo for us to mix with people like him. But well that’s how all scripts were written right?

A few days passed, and my longing to see him grew bolder and stronger each day. I did not even know his name nor knew if I could see him again.

Then there he was, one night, exactly a week later. I had stayed home that weekend, down with a slight cold. Outside my gate. You’d think he’ll toss a rock or something like in movies but he didn’t. That man just stood, leaning against his bike, smoke in his hand. Like he knew I was hoping he’ll come by. Or maybe because no one could NOT hear his bike screaming down the alleyway.

I went out, robe covering my nightgown.

“Hi, did you enjoy staring at my jacket when you were thinking of me?” He flirted openly, without a single hiccup, smirking again.

“What? No???? It’s in my closet.” I was quick to deny. “Let me bring it for you now!” I added, making my way back through the gate. He grabbed my arm.

“No, you can keep it lest you miss me.” He pulled me towards his chest and locked me in an embrace.

I couldn’t react. What is this??? We barely met. I didn’t even get his damn name and there I was, body entangled with his.

I struggled a wee bit, but my body went flaccid, completely capitulated as he stroked my hair dreamily. I looked up and before I could speak, his lips were pressed against mine.

“I want to know more about you.” I finally freed myself from that captivating entrapment and demanded answers.

“Are you a bad guy? Are you in trouble?” I couldn’t contain myself anymore.

“No, I am not in trouble. But I am trouble.” He replied, hands still wrapped around my silken robe. “Will you still ride with me then?”

And just like how any girl in my shoes would, I replied “Yes. Why not?”

That yes prompted the best chapter of my life. I was a blessed woman, drunk on the happy dew of love’s most innocuous glory.

He had a phoenix tattooed on his right leg which I found out eventually. And his name on the left. I remember my fingers going over each tattoo, wanting to remember how exactly they look and wanting to imagine how he felt when he got em on.

But everywhere he went, chaos followed. He never used the name tattooed on his leg. It was his birth right, but something he had to bury deep within himself because he had a band of brothers to live for and die for. His pseudo name was kind of trashy if you’d ask me. Asher.

I have never met anyone like him. I was living and breathing a live soap opera in my own wake, and walked past his “men” with their heads bowed in deep respect. They would call me “Sister in law”.

He then tattooed my name right below his, on his thigh. That, according to him “was his canvas for all secrets he holds dear, and secrets  that kept him going.”

“Was that calculated?” I asked him the day at the tattoo parlor when he got my name inked. I pointed to the small space so conveniently made right below his name.

“Yes, I knew you were coming along and thank god you aren’t Indian”

I laughed.

But ya know, that’s what God does. The best things in life never came for free and will never stay with thee. One day, my dad told me he went bust. Bankrupt with his neck up in debts. Of course Asher couldn’t just sit around while the loan sharks trashed my house and beat my old man up. He came to me one day, looking aghast, but his gaze was firm and steady.

It was a briefcase of notes. I knew right away it was blood money. I refused it.

He then went straight to the debtors and settled it. My dad walked a free man and wanted to move away, to get away from all these.

“I know your boy did this for us. And daddy’s grateful. But now we have to go. because now, they know his weakness. Its you, Abby.”

I begged and begged for him to just go away with us, we could run a diner and make things work. I begged, or not, for me to be by his side.

But before either of us could decide, fate got us first. The money that he took belonged to an Arms dealer from the west side, but tippers had him exposed. Men were sent out to look for him, and I, but he had speculated that and made sure I was kept safe, under the protection of his brothers. I know naught of the fight, but all that I could not forget, was me, holding the love of my life in my arms, ravaged like cotton in an open field, gun shot to his chest.

He rested, in the nook of my arm, still with the smirk on his face. “You must live on baby doll. Don’t forget to wear the jacket when you miss me.”

That very night, my heart died, along with him.

Grandma closed her eyes, and I could see a single tear going down her cheek. I could barely hold back myself.

“You are really strong Grammy.” that was all I could reply.

“I have something to live for. Something that was a part of him.”

“The jacket?” I asked naively.

“No..” She laughed softly.

“Your dad.” She took up her tea again. English breakfast, read the label.

And that was when I realized I knew what was written on the left leg of the Protagonist in the story.

Jonathan Bennett.


( Listen to this after the story for best effects ❤ )


Hope you guys liked it. Abit cliche but Lana Del Rey’s songs inspire bad boys like that. YALL FEEL ME?





Malaysia, Federal Territory of Kuala Lumpur, Desa Sri Hartamas No:26-G, Jalan 24/70A,

Okay guys. More PICS, less talk. I think daaaas wat you guys like. I have a bunch of lazy readers. Shin Nihon is a Japanese BBQ beef heaven for all beef lovers like you and me. I wouldn’t call the price CRAZY, like you do not need to be a crazy rich asian to afford a slice. But it isn’t your casual chicken rice add rice $$$.

Two people + umeshu is about 700rm
(But luxurious cuts la)





I didn’t really like the casual dining layout of the first floor. Went up to the second floor. It was quaint and the interior exudes Japanese vibes. I really liked my seats as shown below.





(Pre lasik days. Sigh)

So this charcoal grill is really awesome like it’s small and cute and I really love food that’s bbq-ed over real charcoal. It has this good smokey taste that’s so awesome.


Didn’t realize it was CHOYA since everything was written in Japanese. So yeah well fuck but  its alcohol so just drink.


This is their “Taster menu” that consists of 4 parts of the beef. 1 PC for each pax. The ones on the black plate: Australian. White plate: Japanese.

If I may suggest, if you ever go, don’t take this taster platter unless you appreciate all different parts. I mean I am ok with it but I rather spend the money and my tummy space for something really fabulous and luxurious.

And, I always preferred the Japanese beef. Texture is softer, melts-in-ur-mouth and more fat content.

Australian beef is like a BUFF and strong super model… Japanese one is like, a MILF with heavy boobs and exercises by doing housework.




Tried their beef tartare as well. (Wagyu too)




I think it costs about 80-100 rm for the tartare I really do not remember. It was quite tasty and refreshing but I don’t recommend it if you scared of raw beef lmao.

Just a casual shot of me blowing.. meat.



DIZ MY BABY. It’s a whole slab of Japanese Wagyu beef. Look at that marbling. Yum yum.

I recommend spending your stomach space and moolahs on good stuff like this.




The staff will help you to grill the $$$ slab of goodness and cut it up into delectable bite sized pieces for you.




Can you see the fats at the bottom. I do not like the red sauce. I eat all of my meat with just the salt. So orgasmic.




I swear the beef don’t look photogenic here but it’s tasty as hell. Satan 10/10 approves.

Valeisky’s rating: 4.0/5

Yum Yum.

And btw, Happy new year to yall. Have you made your “I will lose weight” “I will cut down on smoking” and “I will save money” resolutions that no one ever fucking sticks to after 1 week?

Hot damn I made mine. And it certainly has “Pls work out 1x a week”.







Winter snow

The room, with the thin concrete walls, was engulfed in a blizzard of cold air after she was gone. He had not realized initially, that it was not his threadbare blanket that kept him cozy at nights; but her warm, selfless body of immense light, holding him, heating him.

Life is a cruel master sometimes as we toil through the days, sometimes met with insurmountable pain. Life brandishes its whip of a hundred sins, inflicting us with these bright red wounds. Its not the castigation of pain to flesh that torments us, but the consequences we all face after the blood has run dry.

He knelt on the cold, unfeeling floor, in a plea hidden by the four walls closing in on his guilt. Face buried in the pillow, he caught a faint trace of her scent. It smells like cherry blossoms and a tinge of regret in the winter snow.

Her smell was light, breezy, but definitely evoking.

It was a night of heavy winter. She wore a beautiful summer dress with floral prints, had her hair in a loose chignon. Picnic basket in her hand, she went. The lake was frozen over, with only a fishing hole dug out for the villagers to get their food. It wasn’t a big cavity, but it was big enough for her.

Basket down, sitting calmly on the thick ice, it was a picturesque facade. Yet below, the lake was murmuring, sing to the tune of the relentless howls of wind.

A tear slid down her porcelain cheek, the only trail of warmth in the unspeakable weather. Humming, smiling, crying, she flung herself down into the watery abyss, the footprint of her scent scattered through the daunting cold.

Like a snowflake that meandered down a lonely stream, it dissipated to become one with the fluid, forming just another star in the vast universe.

A villager found the basket the next day when the winds have died down, along with her demise. There were two perfectly cut ham and cheese sandwiches, a bottle of wine, and a note that wrote:

“It was summer when you first said you loved me. And I wish, summer never went away.” 





Hola mi amigos,

Today I will be blogging about my Lasik experience that I just did recently. I am not sponsored by the clinic for this post. I found this clinic on my own and chose this doctor because he won many accolades and gained media recognition.

But a shout out to a friend of mine R who helped me through this rough patch. I don’t know how I would have survived this without your aid.

So this post is just to let any of my readers who too wishes to do Lasik be it due to your own wish for convenience, or because like me, you just cannot wear contact lenses anymore.

I hope this can help u prepare yourself for the surgery in case you have a phobia of such things. ( I have no phobia/fear of surgeries or pain ) Even for someone like me, I would rate the surgery procedure about 7/10 for discomfort and it may be scary for some people.

The clinic that I chose is called Lee Hung Ming Eye Centre, located right inside Gleneagles, level 2.

& Obviously, the name of the clinic is the exact name of the Doctor who will be attending to and operating on you. There are a few types of Lasik procedure. You may call them or google to find out more.

I did I-LASIK, which is the “Gold standard” that is supposedly the best and the latest, used by pilots and astronauts. It costs about 4.8k SGD excluding consultation fees. The doctor did throw in a 400 dollar discount which may be a marketing gimmick la. But sure sounds comforting to hear the word DISCOUNT.





Some snaps of the numerous achievements and newspaper articles of Doctor Lee below. So impressive actually.

People ask me why not do it in other countries or other clinics which are cheaper, however my eyes already fucking infected + I only have 1 pair of eyes. I really think its better to have a peace of mind than to save on money but get implications in the long run.




Drink some coffee and eat free biscuits while reading the articles, feeling a tad bit ashamed of your own shitty life at the same time. What have I achieved, other than being a useless fuck? HAHA




Doctor Lee is a handsome and charming man. ( Sorry girls hes married ) So we did an eye test, and apparently my infection caused my cornea to be damaged so I couldn’t do the lasik immediately.

He saw me burst into tears upon hearing the news and he was really caring and sincere about wanting to help me get better. Every time I visited him, he always greeted me with a bright and cheery smile and it made me feel better.

Seeing the high volume of patients he has at the clinic, I am sure his bright personality gave him his clients.



On the day of the surgery, I had to do one last eye test to see if the cornea is “Ready” for doing the lasik. ALL CLEAR!!! I donned the scrub and had to wear the shower cap as shown below. I look like a hideous blue mario but fuck who cares.



The nurse will instill 2 things into your eyes, 1 is quite uncomfortable – it stings. The second is Nap Con A or some shit – An eyedrop to soothe the sting and to whiten your eyes.


The eyedrops pictured below.



You will also have to “measure” your degree, what will look perfect for you. Kinda like being at the optician.




I wasn’t able to take any photos because duh I was blind and handicapped during the operation. So my fantastic paint skills are here to save the day.

So right before the surgery, you will sit in the chair. It resembles those at the dental clinic. Numbing eyedrops will be instilled. You may wonder if its effective since they use it right before the surgery – but yes, I did not feel any pain. Only discomfort.

Doctor Lee said “Focus on the blinking light”

And trust me, You will be thankful for the blinking light LOL because without it, you will get distracted by the discomfort and sounds that you are about to hear.

The blinking light is something like below, but faster. Its a rapidly blinking light that is right above you.

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Focus and tell yourself to channel your willpower to just NOT blink. JUST KEEP LOOKING AND LOOKING AT LOOKING AT THE LIGHT!


First step:

I am not really sure what the doctor did here but basically, he first places some suction thingy on your eye. This is the most uncomfortable in my opinion. Your eyeball literally feels like its coming out and you are unable to move. Something will shine onto your eye or some shit, I really dont know. But there’s no pain. However, you won’t be able to see anything. I think its some sort of liquid or light that goes into ur eye. In the background, you will hear the nurse counting down for you.

Thank god its fucking fast like, 15 secs. BUT YOU HAVE TWO EYES.


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So yeah, he rotated my chair to the left to do the 15 secs shit, comes back to the right, suction off right, then onto left, then do it again. Then


Second step:

I find this part the most creepy and gaowei. So basically the doctor had to cut the cornea and lift it up like a flap. AND YOU ARE AWAKE SO U CAN SEE IT.



Third step:

The laser. PEW PEW PEW. And it smells like…. you know those Japanese restaurants that torch the salmon sushi lightly to roast it on the surface and it has that charcoal smell. You will smell that when the laser is working on your eye. I have done Aviva laser on my face before, ( I blogged about it years back) So this step does not faze me. There’s also no pain, don’t worry.

Image result for seared salmon sushi


Remember, look at the blinking light! Cuz you will really motherfucking want to blink but you can’t, duh, they will KIAP YOUR EYES OPEN SO U CANT BLINK.


Fourth step:

THE DOCTOR said to me “Congrats! You have a new eye” and he sounded super happy with his work. He then proceeded to FUCKING PASTE THE CORNEA BACK ONTO MY EYE omg I’m so ded.

That gaowei feeling again and then, he uses some sort of like a brush and just gently brush your cornea into place. LIKE WTF


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Then, remember, you have another eye.



After repeating the 4 steps on my other eye, I couldn’t see shit but can still open my eyes abit. I fumbled my way into a small dark room where the post lasik patients are to lie and rest for awhile. LIKE A REALLY SHORT WHILE.

Doctor called me out after a few mins and I had to force my eyes open because he had to check my eyes on the machine again to make sure everything is done perfectly.

Checked, ok, and so I was good to go.


NEXT 4-6 hours:

Doctor said that he usually suggests popping a pill to make you drowsy to sleep through the next 4-6 hours because thats when your eyes will really FUCKING BURN


Image result for woman with burning eyes gif


I really hate the feeling of the drowsy med so I actually just tahan through everything and the gif above summarizes it. LOL.

First 2 hours, I had to wear shades because I can’t fucking look at anything. And you can forget about using your phone cuz it looks like a rainbow colour thingy. You can’t read off the screen.






Lycan could tell it was unbearable I guess, cuz he never left my side.

Your eyes will keep crying a fucking ocean and you just want to scream and dig your eyes out.

And yes your dustbin gonna look like this:


But the doctor’s super accurate like, my eyes totally stopped having that burning feeling after 4.5 hours. I could finally open them and get something to eat.

However, everything will be fucking foggy like you have a thin film of whiteness over your eyes. BUT,

You will realize your vision is actually really sharp. This feeling :O :O :O




I was bedridden for the rest of the day because no point doing anything since I couldn’t see. The doctor also mentioned its perfectly alright to use the computer or watch tv at night.

And true to his words, my eyes were feeling better by night time and I could even play dota LOL

My eyes healed like, the foggy thing went away after 2 days. I visited him the next day after surgery to do a post surgery check up.

My vision on the right eye isn’t 100% perfect as he has warned. However I knew this was gonna happen because my right eye has been the “lazy” eye since young and it was always blurred.

My left eye however is perfect and it recovered faster than the right.

Overall, I am really satisfied. Now, I do not have to worry about what’s gonna happen if there’s a zombie apocalypse and I forgot my specs.

Don’t laugh, I really kept wondering about that every time I have insomnia.


Here’s a photo of me and Doctor Lee. He’s really friendly and I do strongly recommend him. With 20 years of experience, you are in safe hands 🙂



Hope this post is helpful for those contemplating Lasik 🙂

Christmas is here D:


its fun to just wish for things you probably won’t be able to buy on ur own, or no one will ever buy for u BUT, you know, It’s the same as some girls like me who adds many beautiful things into the online shopping cart but never actually checking out.

Let us revel in that fantasy for a little while, okay? Make a wishlist of your own! And who knows, your Santa may be lurking nearby 😀

This wishlist is also for my sister and people who are exchanging presents with me cuz im a picky fuck. LIKE THERES NO WAY I’D ACCEPT A STARBUCKS MUG.

LOL don’t worry I have included ACTUAL things that are priced within humane range 😛
(Strikes are bought yay thanks lil shits) 

*UPDATE* Guys, Please note that items with STRIKEOUTS means someone bought it. If you are getting something for me, please do let me know so that I can strike it off 🙂 


NO 1. Dyson Airwrap


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For old hags like me……. sigh.

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chanel passport holder black



chanel boy in python


NO 7. Hermes Midsummer night’s dream silk scarf 36 x 36


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Image result for kinohimitsu bb drink





To complete my rose gold collection XD XD XD

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*UPDATE, I added a few more items D:* 


NO 13: L’Occitane Repairing series of Shampoo, conditioner (buy the refills!), and x 2 bottles of hair repairing oil

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Image result for sk ii masks

NO 15: EVERY COOK’S DREAMMMMM, Le Creuset Cast Iron Round Ink Dutch OVEN w. LID. IN ORANGE XD

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Dream… dream more HAHAHA

Will be updating with a Spa review, and some photos from my recent trips.